Saten Twist SEASON 3
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: Derpy is the new avatar
1. Chapter 1

Saten: So, in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chillies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste.

Trixie: ... I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for hearts and hoove's Day?

Saten: ... Oh, you caught that, did you?

Trixie: Come on Saten, you know I can only be here for so long., It was part of the deal... And I don't remember the last time you even did anything romantic?

Saten: Sure I do.. I got you that flower.

Trixie: It was Poison Joke.

Saten: How was I suppose to know that!?

Trixie: It had a sign saying it was Poison Joke.

Saten: ... Well, I... I went to your show.

Trixie: Yes, and you beaten up my manager just for telling me I did a good job.

Saten: God! There's just no pleasing you!

Trixie: Saten.. You know I love you.. But I'm just saying., try being a bit more of a gentlemen.

Saten: Fine. I'll try..

Waiter: Here's the bill.

Saten: Alright.. (starts leaving) Thanks for paying Trixie.

Trixie: (sighs).


	2. Chapter 2

Derpy: I really messed up on those invitations! I feel just awful!

Master Sword: Why'd you bring me to Cake N' Bacon for our third date, I HATE this place!

Derpy: I told Cranky I could get 'em printed for cheap, but that meant hiring somebody with no experience using a printing press... Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.

Sword: To prove my hatred of this place, I'm gonna leave a lousy tip...under fifteen percent!... And then I'll send my meal back, even though it's EXACTLY what I ordered!

Derpy: Is it possible were having two different conversations?

Sword: How should I know, I'm not listening to you!


	3. Chapter 3

Saten: Derpy I need to your opinion about something?

Derpy: I was gonna tell you the same thing.

If I don't do something about this wrong day mishap, I'm not sure if Cranky Danky will ever forgive me.

Saten: (not listening) Trixie wants me to try being a better boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do.

Derpy: (also not listening) Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.

Saten: Maybe I should ask AppleJack for advice. She always tried making me a better boyfriend, but I wasn't listening at the time.. Classic me.

Derpy: I offered Danky a refund but it didn't help too much.

Saten: Perhaps I should bring an notepad. List the things AppleJack will say..

Derpy: You know what? I'll probably end up making a list of ways to fix this.

Saten: I'm glad we talked.

Derpy: I'm always here for you cousin.

Saten: Me too.

(they both get up and leave in different directions).

* * *

Dr. Hooves: Going back in time is old thinking, my friend. I was working off a cutting-edge theory of making time come forward to you... My life's work, decades – centuries, really – of research and experimentation, and I nearly had it cracked! Turns out there's a magic spell for it. Who knew?

Master Sword: Yeah, yeah, yeah... So will you help Derpy or not?., I wasn't that helpful earlier, and now I feel bad.

Dr. Hooves: What's in it for me?

Master Sword: How about the glory of me not breaking your arm for your earlier statement.

Dr. Hooves: All I said was she looks a bit slu-

Master Sword: (holds Hoove's arm painfully).

Dr. Hooves: OKAY! OKAY!

Master Sword: (releases).

Dr. Hooves: Shit! That's like some red army shit!

Master Sword: Not really, my dad used it on my second sister.

Dr. Hooves: But you don't have a second sister?

Master Sword: Exactly.


	4. Chapter 4

LATER:

* * *

Saten: Hello AppleJack.

AppleJack: (with the other girls as they discuss a plan) Ah can't talk wait now Saten.

Saten: But would you help me be a better boyfriend for Trixie.

AppleJack: Surely you must have 'other' X girlfriends. Yer kinda handsome.

Saten: Well.. There was that 'one' girl I tried asking out... But things didn't go well.

* * *

FLASHBACK:

Glaze: (in the middle of singing the Rainbow factory music video).

Saten: (comes onto the set, forth wall styled) Excuse me, parden me.

Director: CUUT!... Who the fuck is this!?

Glaze: (facehoof) Saten.. I told you not to bother me at work.

Saten: But you have my weed?

Glaze: I told you to wait till AFTER! (gives him bag).

Saten: But I wanted to see your cute face again!

Masked pony: Give it a break dude!

Saten: Shut up Jim!... Your not even a good actor!

Jim: Least I got hired!

Director: Just get out of here Redboy!

Saten: Fine.. One second.. (to Glaze) Wanna go out?

Glaze: ... What?

Saten: Please go out with me.. I know you don't like me. But I am desperate for a girlfriend... I promise I'll pay and everything.

Glaze: Well.. Uhh... That sounds cool, but I'm gonna in the hospital that day.. (shoots herself in the chest with a nail-gun, in an desperate attempt not to go out with him).

Glaze: (crawls away in pain, a trail of blood being left by her).

Saten: ... Okay. Maybe next time then.


	5. Chapter 5

Saten: Well, I should get goin-

Twi: Saten, wait.. You know how we put you as part of our group now?

Saten: What about it?

Pinkie: We need you your help., Something's coming.

Saten: (groans) What is it THIS time?

* * *

Octavia: Why are Saten and the girls huddled up like that? Do we know what they're on about?

Apple Bloom: The way they're huddled up like that, I'd say it's either a friendship problem or a monster attack.

Octavia: (naively believing her) A monster attack?! Blast! I'm performing at the ceremony this afternoon, and I still haven't sorted out what to play. How am I meant to practice with a monster invading Ponyville?

Sweetie Belle: Maybe it's just a friendship problem, and it'll all be cleared up in half an hour or so.

Octavia: [groan] I hope so.

Scootaloo: I really don't Saten would count as one of their friendship problems.

AppleBloom: He might. I mean, he's good guy underneath all his rage stuff. Ah hang with him all the time.

Matilda: Where's Pinkie Pie?! I need my wedding planner!

Conveniently this it _dose_ reveal their is a monster attacking ponyville. And the main six (well 7) fraught against it.

* * *

Derpy: (ignoring the fight in the background) What am I gonna do? [gasp] Matilda! I feel so bad about the invitations! Is there anything I can do—

Matilda: FLOWERS!

Derpy: Flowers! got it! (flies off to get flowers)

Lily: You want Matilda's arrangements... today?! [thud]

Daisy: This is awful!

Rose: The horror, the horror!

Derpy: So there's no way you can do it?

Lily: We don't even have Matilda's flowers in yet, much less arranged! [gasps] This is a disaster!

Derpy: ... Okay. Thanks anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

Master Sword: There you are! My suit has vanished and this was the only thing left in my closet! How do I look?

Derpy: Like a million bits!

* * *

Mayor Mare: But I also see so many ponies from all trots of life, brought together by love. Cranky searched all across this great land of ours to find Matilda, and no matter what obstacles kept them apart, love would finally bring them together, just as it has brought all of us together now. It's remarkable to me how a story like Cranky's search for Matilda could fill this room with such a unique collection of ponies! It makes you realize that everybody is the star of their own story. And it's not just the main characters in our stories that make life so rich! It's _everybody_ – those who play big parts and those who play small. If it weren't for everybody in this room and many more who couldn't be here today, Cranky and Matilda's lives wouldn't be as full and vibrant as they are.

Cracky: Well, that was a rather "convenient" speech,. But thank you

Carret Top: (crying) I had NO lines!


	7. Chapter 7

Twilight: You know something, girls? We are so lucky to live in this town. I love you all! *they all hug*.

AJ: Say? What happened to Saten?

Twilight: He said he had other important business to attend.

* * *

Saten: *drinking at a bar, his head bandaged a little from the earlier attack*.

Bartender: Don't you think you had enough?

Saten: *a bit drunk*I don't tell you how to live YOUR life!

Trixie: *comes over and finds him*

Bartender: *sees her* Oh wow. She's she's a hottie.. I'm gonna stalk her later.

Saten: ... Are you a woman?

Bartender: No.

Saten: Good *punches out the bartender*

Trixie: *comes over* You okay Saten? I heard about the bugbear?

Saten: Yeah.. I'm fine.

Trixie: ... Any luck with the romance thing? *giggles*

Saten: ... Afraid not.

Trixie: I thought as much.. I feel bad that I gave you a hard time earlier, so I decided to get us a fansy diner reservation.

Saten: ... But that's more of Rarity's thing.

Trixie: Just give it a try.. I'll meet you there *kisses his cheek and leaves, ignoring the drunk costumers hitting on her*

Saten: Hey! Could you please stop hitting on her.. I swear, I will turn a hose on all of you!

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE ONE:**


	8. Episode 2

Spike: [sighs] You know the worst thing about you being the Princess of Friendship? The dishes.

Twilight: Thanks for taking care of that, Spike. After three events in one week, I really needed to relax with a good book.

Spike: It's kinda funny, isn't it? All these ponies comin' to you for advice about friendship?

Twilight: What's funny about that?

Spike: You know, 'cause you used to be famous for being such a bad friend.

Twilight: What are you talking about? I had good friends in Canterlot.

Spike: Come on, Twilight. Look at the wall. D'ya see any photos from before we moved to Ponyville? And look at you now – the Princess of Friendship.

Twilight: [gasps] This is a disaster! All my old friends! I can't remember any of their names right now! But do you really think that they think I'm a bad friend?!

Spike: Well, I only meant that you've come so far. You're a great friend now and—

Twilight: Oh, I feel terrible! I've gotta make it up to them! Pack a bag, Spike! We're going to Canterlot! And make a list of my friend's names.

Spike: Aw. Me and my big mouth.

* * *

Spike: Come on, Twilight. You're getting worked up about nothin'.

Twilight: The only logical place to start is at the beginning.

[doors open]

Twilight: Oh. It's exactly how we left it! [blows] Look! It's Predictions and Prophecies! And it's still open to the Elements of Harmony!

Spike: And here's that present I was gonna give Moon Dancer! Huh. Guess she won't be needing that. Hey, look! The rest of it's still here!

Twilight: How could I have let this happen?

Spike: Come on, Twilight. Princess Celestia gave you an assignment. Nopony could blame you for that.

Twilight: But look at the way I left this place. It's a total mess! Just like how I left my friendships.

[window squeaks]

Twilight: I've gotta make it up toooo... uh...

Spike: Oh! Uh, Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, Lyra Heartstrings, and Moon Dancer.

Twilight: Yeah. Them.


	9. Chapter 9

Saten: (thrown in jail cell) Oh come on! I already said I was sorry!

Guard: Sorry won't cut it for necklaces from from a jewelry store.

Saten: It was for my girlfriend..

Guard: Well, too bad.. Nothing is gonna allow you to get ou-

Guard 2: A princess came and gave him promotion to leave.

Guard: But I wasn't finished my dramatic speech.

Guard 2: Don't care.. (let's Saten out).

Saten: Great... As long as the princess isn't Twilig-

Twilight: Hello Saten.

Saten: ... Maybe I should go back to the cell.

Twilight: (stops him) Look.. I understand I haven't always been overly nice to you, and I apologize.

Saten: ... Really.

Twilight: Yeah.

Saten: ... Well.. Guess it's kinda hard to stay mad at a face like yours. (smiles)

Twilight: (blushes) T- Thanks Saten.

Saten: So, why you need me.

Twilight: Well.. I understand you are friends with Lemon hearts.

Saten: Well.. Yeah, but it's been a while.

Twilight: You remember where she lives..

Saten: Not really.. But I know where her friend Minuette is.

Twilight: Great.. Can you take me there.

Saten: ... What's in it for me?

Twilight: Well... You get to see Lemon again... Who knows she might know where your old friend Glaze is. And can "both" reunite with old friends.

Saten: Who told you about Glaze!?

Twilight: ... AppleJack.

Saten: (sighs) coarse she did... Fine.. I'll help you Zarkle.

Twilight: It's Sparkle.

Saten: (chuckles) I know.


	10. Chapter 10

Saten: There we are my dear..

Twilight: You sure this the right house?

Saten: Only one way to find out (knocks on the front door).

Spike: Uh, it's not too late to forget I opened my big mouth.

Twilight: No, Spike, I'm _glad_ you opened your big mouth. These ponies have probably been suffering ever since I left. Wondering why their supposed friend would treat them so badly!

Saten: (looking bored) Sure, whatever..

Twilight: Minuette?

Minuette: Twilight Sparkle!.. (laughs cutely) You old so-and-so! What are you doing here?! Hey, Spike!...

Saten: (in head) Oh god, she's hotter than I remember.

Saten: What about me?

Minuette: Hi Saten.. Here to see your second cousin.

Twilight: Who's his second cousin?

Minuette: Lemon Hearts.

Twilight: (surprised) Really?

Saten: Yep.. Haven't seen her in a while.

Minuette: (back to her cute excitement) Oh Twilight, Look at these wings, huh?! [giggles] Hey Saten, grab a picture of me and the princess, will ya?!

Saten: (pervertedly) Depends if your be willing to do something for ME.

Minuette: (ignores him) I tried to tell my co-workers we used to be friends back when. [giggles] But they've never believed me! [lens focusing]

Minuette: Wait-wait-wait! _Really_ fluff 'em up, huh? [giggles].

Saten: (takes the picture).. Minuette your so ho-

Minuette: (ignoring him) So what are you doing here Twilight? I mean, I know you're here all the time, but you never come to see _me_. Hey! I just had the greatest idea! You wanna go see Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine?

Twilight **:** Of course! My old friends!

Minuette: It'll be great! [giggles cutely] Come on! Let's _fly_! Get it? [laughs].

Twilight: This is perfect! I can apologize to all three of them at once!

Spike: (sarcastically) Let's hope they're not as traumatized as Minuette.


	11. Chapter 11

Twilight Sparkle, Twinkleshine, Minuette and Lemon Hearts: [giggling]

Minuette: She did! Twinkleshine literally spit out her oats when she heard you were the Princess of Friendship!

Twinkleshine: We saw you at the coronation. _That_ was some shindig!

Twilight: You did?

Twinkleshine: Sure! We see you all the time!

Minuette: You remember our old friend, Lyra, right? [giggles] She lives in Ponyville, too. We're always over there visiting her. Or she's coming over here! [giggles] We've thought about asking _you_ to join us from time to time, but we just sorta figured you'd moved on.

Twilight: (hurt by this) Oh.

* * *

Saten and Spike: (awkward sit at stool)

Spike: So...

Saten: (annoyed) Just keep eating.

Spike: (keeps eating donuts)

* * *

Lemon Hearts: [clears throat] So what brings you by anyway? All those times you've come back to Canterlot, you never had donuts with us before.

Twilight: Well, uh, you see... [sighs] I came to apologize.

Minuette: [gulps] For what?

Twilight: Before I left Canterlot, I didn't really appreciate my friends. And that's because I didn't know how important friendship was. But I've learned so much since I moved to Ponyville. I learned what it means to be a good friend and that I certainly wasn't one to the three of you. So for all the pain I caused you, I am truly sorry.

Twinkleshine, Minuette and Lemon Hearts: [burst into laughter]

Minuette: Oh, come on, Twilight! Sure, it might've stung a little bit when you ran off to Ponyville without saying goodbye, but it's not like we weren't used to that from you!

Twinkleshine: Yeah, we didn't take it personally.

Lemon Hearts: ... Yeah.. Saten never said good bye to me when HE left to Ponyville.. I found out from someone else.

Twilight: Wait... That's horroble. Should I bring him over?

Lemon Hearts: It's fine... (gasps) Hey, how about a blast from the past!?


	12. Chapter 12

Twilight:: [gasps] It's our old science lab! I have so many great memories of this place!Minuette: [giggles] Remember when Lemon Hearts got her head stuck in that beaker?Twinkleshine, Minuette and Lemon Hearts: [giggling][fillies giggling]

* * *

FLASHBACK:

Young Twilight: But according to this book, you're supposed to add the sodium chloride first.

Young Moon Dancer: I read ahead, and to make a _proper_ salt lick, you need to add the molasses first.

Young Twilight: (snobbishly) Well, I read ahead too, Moon Dancer, and I'm sure it said sodium chloride first.

Young Moon Dancer: [dryly] Oh. I've got the wrong book. That's so hilarious.

END FLASHBACK:

* * *

Twinkleshine, Minuette and Lemon Hearts: [giggling].

Saten: (flies over) Sorry I'm late... Someone was calling Lemon an ugly slut.

Lemon Heart: ... R -Really?

Saten: Yes. But don't worry cuz, I caught up with him in the bathroom.

(I _n the bathroom, Saten is seen violently beating up the said pony_ ).

Lemon Heart: Oh.. Well... Good.

Twilight: Say... Whatever happened to Moon Dancer?

Lemon Hearts: Moon Dancer?

Twilight: Yeah, you know, our _other_ friend.

Twinkleshine: Oh, right! Moon Dancer! I remember her!

Lemon Hearts: I wonder what she's up to.

Minuette: Yeah, I always liked her. We just sort of lost touch after you left.

Twinkleshine: I think she went to live out by the stadium, didn't she?

Lemon Hearts: Well, let's go see.

LATER THAT SAME EVENING:

Minuette: I _think_ this is the place. Didn't used to look like this, though.

Twilight: [knocks on door][door breaks Moon peaks though, startling Twiliy]

Twilight: Umm... Moon Dancer?

Moon Dancer: What do you want? I'm trying to study.

Twilight: It's us! Your old friends! (they all form a happy image, expect Saten, who was bored in the background).

Moon Dancer: Ugh![door slams].

Saten: ... I like her. (everyone looks at him).. What?

Minuette: [nervous chuckle] That's old Moon Dancer, all right. She always did like her books. Hey! Kinda like _you_ used to be, huh? [giggles].

Twilight: EXCATLY how I used to be.


	13. Chapter 13

MEANWHILE:

Diamond: ONE VOTE!?.. Silver Spoon! You didn't vote for me?!

Silver Spoon: No, I didn't.

Diamond Tiara: But you're my best friend!

Silver Spoon: Am I? 'Cause I tried to help by mentioning your 'surprise' statue, and suddenly I wasn't even allowed to _speak_! You could have actually won this election if you just listened to me. You wanna know how? [whispering] _Sorry. I'm not allowed to speak._

Diamond Tiera: (growls and storms off).

AppleBloom: Boy. She seems pretty upset.. We should check on her.

Scootaloo: We don't know that she's upset/. Not to a certainty. All we know for sure, is Diamond lost.

Diamond Tiera: (is heard screaming).

Sweetie Belle: What about now?

Scootaloo: Again, not enough evidence. For all we know, she's being murdered.

Sweetie Belle: (as if this ISN'T a reason a for concern) True enough.

AppleBloom: Yes.. But we should go anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

Minuette: (awkwardly) So, uh, what are you studying these days?

Moon Dancer: Science, magic, history, economics, pottery. Things like that.

Minuette: Yowza! [chuckles] You planning on being a professor or something?

Moon Dancer: No.

Minuette: So you're just... studying?

Moon Dancer: (rolls eyes) Can I go now?

Twilight: Moon Dancer, please.

Saten: Yeah, Don't be rude.

Minuette: It's all right, Twilight. We're having a good time. Right, everypony?

Twinkleshine, Saten, Spike, and Lemon Hearts: [unsure sounds]

Minuette: So, uh... Spike, tell Moon Dancer that story 'bout how Twilight had to read a book about doing a sleepover!

Spike: [inhales]

Moon Dancer: _Slumber 101_? I've read that.

Twilight: Oh! [chuckles] Really? Well, uh, did you know Lemon Hearts here works at the Canterlot palace?

Lemon Hearts: Uh, yeah. It's true. I do the big events mostly. State dinners, that sort of thing. All but-

Moon Dancer: Ugh! [teleportation zap]

Twilight: Moon Dancer! [teleportation zap] You've gotta give friendship a chance!

Moon Dancer: Dah! I gave friendship a chance a long time ago! It didn't work out then – it isn't gonna work out now! (rudely leaves).

Saten; (catches up to her) Twilight, are you all right?

Twilight: (heartbroken) No... No, I'm not. (starts leaving).

Saten: Wait? Where are you going?

Twilight: I don't know, Saten... I really messed this one up. That party was everything to her. I can only imagine what it must've felt like when I didn't show up.

Saten: Big deal.. I've been arrested 7 times, beaten by my own parents, rejected by EVERY girl but Trixie, and constantly humilated by Rarity.. So there's worst things than that.. Right Tw-

Twilight: (already gone).

Saten: ... Twilight?

* * *

MEANWHILE:

Apple Bloom: Hey, Diamond Tiara! Wait up!

Diamond Tiara: What do you three want? To gloat? huh.. You like gloating... DON'T GLOAT!.. God!

Apple Bloom: Actually, we wanted to invite you to our clubhouse to hang out.

Diamond Tiara: (pauses) Really?

Scootaloo: Yeah, for real!

Diamond Tiara: ... One question?

Diamond Tiera: Is this a prank?.. On the way to the clubhouse, would there be cops looking for me, because you three made up wanted posters that have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name and then I get arrested and deported to South America?

Scootaloo: What? No?.. Coarse not.

Diamond Tiera: ... I'm glad because I would not have seen that coming.


	15. Chapter 15

AppleBloom: Dosen't it feel like this idea has been used in a mature themed fanpop role play?... One that uses swears and unshown sex, every 2 minutes.

Scootaloo: (sarcastically) Sure.. Next your say the role play has Saten Twist marry AppleJack.. When she directly told us, she had written 2 restraining orders after their ONE date.

SweetieBelle: Weirder things have happened.. There's a story about me sleeping with Rarity.

Scootaloo: Jeeze, what is wrong with pe-

Diamond Tiara: So, do you three just sit around here plotting out different ways to try and get your cutie marks?

Apple Bloom: Actually... Yeah

Tiara: You three are... really.. Lucky.

Mark Crusaders: We are?!

Diamond Tiara: Yeah! You get to explore all these options, learning who you really are before you're stuck with something you don't understand!

Bloom: But... you've done that, right?

Diamond Tiara: Yeah, 'cause I _have_ my cutie mark!... And of COARSE it's the mark I want.. I am NOTHING like Saten in that way... I'm not clinically depressed at ALL!

Scootaloo: We never said tha-

Diamond Tiera: WELL I'M NOT!.. I don't hate my life at ALL!... I'M SO HAPPY! (eye twitches).

Sweetie Belle:... That's weird. Since we kind of overheard you yesterday.

Diamond Tiara: (angered) Were you trying to get your cutie mark in _spying_? Is _that_ on your little _chart_?

Sweetie Belle: No! We were just worried about you when you lost the election, and then you lost your friend, and then your mom yelled at you...

Apple Bloom: We know you wanna change, and we think we can—

Pipsqueak: [muffled] _Help!_ [door opens]

Pipsqueak: Cutie Mark Crusaders! I was at the school board meeting and they didn't approve my request for the new playground equipment!

Sweetie Belle: Why not?

Pipsqueak: There's no money in the budget! So I checked my Peggy bank to see if I had enough bits, but my little Peggy wasn't _nearly_ full enough!

AppleBloom: Who carries a peggy around anymor-

Sweetie Belle: Don't worry, Pip!

Scootaloo: We'll meet you back at Bloom: And help you find a solution!

Pipsqueak: Thanks, Cutie Mark Crusaders!

Diamond Tiara: Oh, _I_ already HAVE a solution!... Our new student pony president is gonna be kicked out of office, and _I'll_ be reinstated!.. (Runs out)

Scootaloo: Where's SHE going!?

Apple Bloom: Where do you think?! C'mon! After her! (she and Scoots run after her)

Sweetie Belle: Wait for m- WE HAVE STAIRS!? (trips and falls down the stairs, painfully)


	16. Chapter 16

Diamond Tiara: Everybody, I have an announcement!

Apple Bloom: Diamond Tiara! Think hard about the choice you're makin' right now!

Scootaloo: You can be a better pony!

Spoiled Rich: (out of nowhere) Diamond Tiara! I just happened to be here for the school board meeting, and _this_ is what I see when we adjourn? My daughter associating with confused, insignificant lowlifes? Socializing with _their kind_ is not how you move up in Equestria! Come, Diamond Tiara!

Diamond Tiara: (finally stands up to her) No, mother!

Spoiled Rich: Excuse me?!

Diamond Tiara: You've spent your life acting like a high horse and raised me to follow in your hoofprints! At first I thought this was fine, but then I finally realized _I_ wanted something you _don't_ have – friends!

Cutie Mark Crusaders: [gasps]

Foals and Cheerilee: [gasps]

Spoiled Rich: That's enough, Diamond Tiara! Step away from those blank flanks!

Diamond Tiara: These are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and they are my friends! You need to stop calling them such mean and hurtful names! They are working harder to get their cutie marks than anybody I've ever seen! And they will get them exactly when they discover their true talent, which I guarantee will be amazing! So don't you EVER call them such mean awful names!... Now, will you please deliver this to father?

Spoiled Rich: Yes, of course, dear... (runs off).

Diamond Tiara: I have to thank you, Crusaders. You made me realize that I CAN be be nice.. And I WILL be nice... Obviously I've known since I got my cutie mark that my talent is getting other ponies to do what I want... And now.. I just asked my father if he could donate the money for the new playground equipment!

Scootaloo: Never thought I'd say this.. but hooray for Diamond Tiara! [foals chattering].

Diamond Tiara: [to Pipsqueak] I knew you were worried for a second there, weren't you? Ha! Well, I think it's all gonna work out just fine, Mister President!


	17. Chapter 17

Moon Dancer: What is this?

Saten: It's a party.

Lemon: For you.

Pinkie: (pops out cake) _Surprise!_

Twilight Sparkle: Come on in!

Moon Dancer: Thanks but no thanks. I don't do parties.

Twilight: I know. And I think it's my fault... Back when we were in school together, you invited me to a party. I was so focused on my studies that I didn't show up.

Moon Dancer: Big deal!

Twilight: It WAS a big deal... And now that I realize how important friendship is, I'd like to make up for my mistake with a new party... A party in honor of my friend Moon Dancer! Please, you've got to let me make this up to you. Moon Dancer: And you think this is gonna do it, huh?

Twilight: (nervously) Uh, yes?

Moon Dancer: Well, sure, why wouldn't it?... That was only the FIRST time I put myself out there, and then you didn't even bother to show up!... Then you left town without saying goodbye even though we were supposed to be friends! I was humiliated! I felt like I wasn't important! I never wanted to let myself be hurt like that again!... ( _point at Minuette, Lemon and Twinkleshine_ ), Those three finally convinced me that I had value! That other ponies might like me and want to be my friend! And you! Didn't! Show! UP! [screams, sobs].

Pinkie: [whispers to Spike].

Saten: Don't cry sweetie.. Still got me.

Moon Dancer: (cries even harder).

Saten: (eyes narrow but Lemon pushes him aside, gently).

Twilight: You're right... This party can't make up for the way I hurt you. But please, don't let my mistake be the reason you can't be friends with anypony else.

Minuette: (cutely) We were your friends then and we'd be honored to be your friends now.

Moon Dancer: [sniffles]

Spike: (points out 3 ponies to Moon).

Moon Dancer: What? That's the librarian! The bookseller! My sister!

Minuette: You've got a lot of friends, Moon Dancer.

(short pause).

Twilight: I'm sorry, Moon Dancer. I've faced magical creatures, the end of Equestria, all sorts of things. But seeing how my actions affected you, that was one of the worst feelings I've ever had.

Moon Dancer: [warmly hugs her] Thank you, Twilight. I never realized how much I needed to hear that. Now come on, everypony! Let's party!... (to pinkie) Right?

Pinkie: Right! [party cannon squeak]

All: YAAAAAAY! [party sounds]

* * *

LATER:

Twilight: I think it's time for us to go, Moon Dancer.

Moon Dancer: Thank you for helping me make some new friends. Even if they are my old friends.

Twilight: Oh. We'll come back and visit soon.

Moon Dancer: That would be great! You've still gotta teach me that Hayscartes technique!

Twilight: (giggles cutely) Deal.

Spike: Um, Moon Dancer? It got kinda banged up, but here's a little something I wanted to give you back at your first party. (it reveals to be a picture of Twilight, Moon, Lemon, Lyra, Minutte and Twinkleshine, back as fillies).


	18. Chapter 18

AppleBloom: (hugs Saten excitedly and cutely both at the same time) Saten! Saten! Ah finally got my cutie mark!

Saten:(hugs her back) I'm so proud of you.. Nice knowing you have the ones you WANT.. Unlike mine.

AppleBloom: (still hugging him).

AppleJack: (giggles) Ah still consider you a bad influence Saten.. But glad she cares foryou.

Saten: She TOTALLY cares for me!.. (jokingly) Didn't think of THAT when you dumped me, huh AJ?

AppleJack: (laughs) Trust me honey.. Ah know EXACTLY why ah dumped you!

* * *

Dash: (hugging Scootaloo) Wait to go squirt.. I knew you could do it.

Scootaloo: Thanks... If only Ditto was here to see this.

Dash: We're send him the picture.

Scootaloo: What pictu-

(a sudden picture is taken of every character, and Spike sends it to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, in reference to the show's main title).

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 2**


	19. Episode 3

**EPISODE 3:**

 **Sword has a larger role in this one than Saten dose..**

 **Sten only has one scene in this one...**

* * *

[shades closing]

[windows clattering]

Fluttershy: Fuzzy Legs, do you think you could secure those windows?

[webs shooting]

[windows close]

Fluttershy: And you'll alert me if anything scary comes close to the cottage?

[birds squawk]

Fluttershy: Oh, who am I kidding?... It's WHEN something scary comes close to the cottage! Please tell me my hiding place is ready.

Harry: [growls nicely]

Fluttershy: Oh, look, you've filled it with everything I need to survive this awful night. Thank you. Thank you all! Now I don't have to step a hoof outside until this whole thing is over.

[bucket clattering]

Fluttershy: Oh, no! You don't have any carrots? Do we have any other fresh veggies you may enjoy?

Angel: [growls]

Fluttershy: Or maybe some hay?

Angel: (growls)

Fluttershy: But that means I'll need to go out... on Nightmare Night?!


	20. Chapter 20

Granny Smith: You ready for making this years haunted Maze even better than last years.

Master Sword: Any excuse to scare people is enough for me... (picks up hay, seeing someone hiding behind it). Fluutershy?

Granny Smith: What're you doin' out and about? It's Nightmare Night, remember?

Fluttershy: How could I forget?... Oh, I don't suppose I could borrow a few pieces of hay from you? I forgot to stock up on food for Angel, and you do seem to have quite a lot.

Granny Smith: Sword and I need that for our traditional Haunted Maze. [spooky voice] The scariest maze that there ever was. Who knows what lurks inside?

Fluttershy: Oh, I'm sure _I_ don't.

Granny Smith: Is that a mummified pony that just leaped out at ya?

Fluttershy: I don't know. Is it?

Master Sword: (plays along) yeah. And what's that crunchin' sound beneath yer hooves? Maybe it's the bones of ponies that didn't make it out alive!

Fluttershy: B-B-B-B-Bones?!

Master Sword: And are those peeled grapes or a thousand slimy eyeballs starin' at ya from beyond the grave?

Fluttershy: Please tell me they're grapes!

Granny Smith: Oh, I'll never tell. [spooky laugh).

Fluttershy: [frightened sobs]

Granny Smith: Huh. I wonder what got stuck in her craw?

Master Sword: Beats me.. Let's just get back.

Granny Smith: Remember.. No swearing this year.

Master Sword: I don't swear THAT much.. (bangs into pole, causing him to scream out every swear word in existence.


	21. Chapter 21

**Saten ends up having a slightly bigger role than originally planned.**

 **Warning, this chapter is one of the most foul mouthed chapters of the series..**

* * *

Trixie: I can't believe I have to do one of those dumb magic acts today.. It's not even a nightmare night themed type of one!

Derpy: Hey.. Sten and I will be in stage as support..Right Sat-.. Saten?

Saten: (distracted) Oh look, their building the traditional haunted maze.. Can we go after?

Derpy: I don't know.. Each year you wind up breaking Sword's nose when he tries scaring you.

Saten: ... I've been working on that, I saw a bunch of Jason Voorhee's movies as preparation for Nightmare Night.. Nothing he can do will scare m-

Master Sword: Hey Saten..

Saten: (screams in fear snd accidentally bucks Sword in the stomach).

Master Sword: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?

Saten: Well don't sneak up on me like that!

Derpy: (sarcastically) Yeah, your gonna do FINE tonight Saten.

Master Sword: You guys coming to the Maze?

Trixie: Yes.. But not wait at this moment..

Master Sword: Well... Looking forward to you guys being there.. Especially you Derpy.

Derpy: Best not get romantic on Nightmare Night.. Ruins the mood of the night.

Master Sword: (chuckles) fair enough.. GrannySmith says I swear to much, and may need to tune that down a bit.

Trixie: Well, she's not wrong.

Master Sword: When was the last time I swore to much.

Derpy: Well... There was the event with the snake.

* * *

 _Master Sword: (showing snake to high school students) And the most I know about this species is that i- (suddenly the bites his arm) AHH! FUCK!_

 _Students: (turn quite)_

 _Master Sword: (pulls the snake off angrily) GOD FUCKIN DAMN IT! Fuckin son of a, FUCK!_

 _Audience: (gasps)_

 _Master Sword: Oh, the fucking stupid-ass serpent BIT ME!_

 _Principle: Mr Sword, please sto-_

 _Master Sword: Oh, jam a lit sparkler up my asshole and then do sit-ups. lt hurts so bad!_

 _Principle: Sir! Words like that are NOT allowed in this school!_

 _Master Sword: (screaming) MOTHER FUCKER BIT ME!... (calmly) I.. I mean the snake bit me... I think I need a hospital._

* * *

Master Sword: Look.. I explained about that.

Derpy: Whatever.. Granny's write, try to keep a lid on it this year.


	22. Chapter 22

Trixie: (finishes a perfamance).

Audience: (cheers).

Felix: (despite cheering) I've seen better.

Carrot Top: (clapping) I can't believe I wrasted nine dollars on this.

BonBon: I liked her hat.

* * *

Saten: Great performance honey.

Trixie: Thanks.. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Saten: Well of coarse I di-

GoldenGrape: (to Trixie) Hey good performance.. And nice melons.

Saten: Hey! Just wait a minu-

Trixie: (holding water melons) Saten I'm holding melons.

Saten: Oh.. Sorry.

GoldenGrape: It's okay... (pervertly) Trixie's hot!

Saten: (angrily) Okay that's it! (tries to run after him but Tixie holds him back).

GoldnGrape: (runs away) Still worth it!


	23. Chapter 23

Fluttershy: [spooky voice] Welcome to Fluttershy's tea party!

Rainbow Dash: Did she just say "tea party"?

Twilight Sparkle: It sounds like it's a scary tea party?

Rainbow Dash: [sighs]

Fluttershy: [spooky voice] Have a seat. Don't be scared of what awaits you. Go on. Pass the sugar. Oh, no! There is none! You're a terrible host!

AJ: (growls)

Rarity, put your coat on!

Rarity: Why would I do that?

Fluttershy: [spooky voice] You need to cover up because no one has complimented your dressssssss!

Pinkie Pie, look to your left and ask your best friend to pass the cucumber sandwiches!

Pinkie Pie: Huh? I can't. There's nobody there.

Fluttershy: [spooky voice] That's right. Because she didn't care to show uuuuuup.

Pinkie Pie: What?

Fluttershy: [spooky voice] A friend who didn't come through. That must scare you to the coooore.

Quick, everybody, look behind you!

Rainbow Dash: Uh, what are those?

Fluttershy: [spooky voice] They're unplanned guests. Your woooorst nightmare. You don't have enough food for them! Oh, no! There's a tiny kitten that needs a home! But you are over-scheduled right now. You don't have time to help! I said, "You don't have time to help!" This should appear to scare you! [normal voice] Why don't you look terrified? You showed up to a party and everypony was extremely disappointed in you. Can you imagine anything more upsetting?

Rarity: It was a really good try, darling, but the scares at Nightmare Night are of an entirely different nature.

Twilight Sparkle: It was really creative, though. I never would have thought of... all this.

Fluttershy: Oh, I'm just not cut out for this. Just go on without me.

Rarity: Oh, no. We couldn't possibly.

Fluttershy: You have to. This is the night you look forward to all year.

Pinkie Pie: We could... stay here?

Fluttershy: It's okay. I really want you all to have fun. This is how I spend every Nightmare Night. Please go. I'll be fine.

Pinkie Pie: Eh, it's funny. I actually thought she had an idea for something really scary for a second there.

Applejack: She definitely tried her hardest.

[door closes]

Fluttershy: I did try my hardest.

Angel: [thumping on table]

Fluttershy: Or... maybe not. I suppose I could have gone with something a bit scarier. You're right! I've been taking baby steps! I think it's time for grown up ones! I don't suppose you have any ideas how I could do that?

Angel: [growls mischievously]


	24. Chapter 24

LATER THAT SAME EVENING:

* * *

Saten: (still with Derpy and Trixie as they enter _THE HAUNTED MAZE)_ Ahh.. Finally we get to go into the maze... No need to be scared Trixie.

Trixie: (is clearly unafraid) I'm not.

Saten: (ironically the one who's scared) Well.. remember it's all fake.

Derpy: Are you okay cousin?

Saten: O -Of coarse I am.. I'm not scared.

Derpy: I didn't say that you WERE.

Saten: Well good.. Because... I'm not.

Derpy and Trixie: (unconvinced) uh huh?

Sword: (sneaks up to Saten, successfully scaring him).

Saten: (panics and punches Sword in the nose).

Sword: (holding nose) AHHH! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?

Derpy: Yeah, what gives Saten!?

Saten: I -It was a reflex.

Trixie: Reflex!?.. Well, sure, if in a mob town.

Saten: Look I'm sor-

Sword: (enraged) YOU DO THIS EVERY YEAR!

* * *

Applejack: Everybody's linin' up for the corn maze, y'all! Let's go!

Spike: Oh, yeah! I can't believe we're finally doin' this!

[horse whinnies]

All: [scream, laugh]

Rainbow Dash: It's a good thing Fluttershy isn't here because she would _never_ be able to handle this!


	25. Chapter 25

Applejack: You out-nightmared the scariest part of the corn maze!

Twilight Sparkle: How did you do all this?!

Fluttershy: After you left, I realized that I wasn't ready to give up on Nightmare Night. So I asked Sword if I could try to make the maze even scarier for my friends.

Rainbow Dash: You came up with all of this?

Fluttershy: I had some help. Angel was the scary figure that kept scurrying after you in the maze. Fuzzy Legs made the sticky wall that made it difficult for you to see and move. And, of course, Harry was the especially scary monster.

Harry: [growls happily]

Twilight Sparkle: Wow! That was inspired!

Pinkie Pie: You have to do this every year!

Applejack: Uh-huh!

Rarity: Absolutely!

Twilight Sparkle: Every year!

Rainbow Dash: Yeah!

Fluttershy: We could celebrate Nightmare Night

together every year. But the truth is I really don't

want to.

Pinkie Pie: You don't?!

Rarity: But you've done it. You found a way that we can all have a fabulous time together.

Fluttershy: Yes, but I've also realized something. You all may love Nightmare Night and I may be good at being a part of it, but it's no fun for me to see my friends feel like they're in danger, even if I know they're not. I really don't like it. It's just not my cup of tea.

Pinkie Pie: Spoooooooooky tea?

Fluttershy: No. Just regular tea. We do lots of fun things together, but I'm afraid this just isn't gonna be one of them. Actually, I'm not afraid. I'm perfectly fine with it.

Twilight Sparkle: Then we are, too.

Harry: [growls happily]

[bats squeaking]

Fluttershy: [sighs] I don't know why I doubted myself for a second. Now this is what I call a perfect Nightmare Night.

END OF EPISODE 2


	26. Chapter 26

**EPISODE 3**

* * *

Pinkie Pie: Five hundred and sixty-six, five hundred and sixty-seven, five hundred and sixty-eight... Phew! Look at _that_ , Pound Cake! I am _so_ close to breaking my personal cupcake-icing record!

Mrs. Cake: My goodness! I can't believe what I'm seeing here!

Pinkie Pie: Pretty impressive if I do say so.

Saten: (hung over on the couch) (angrily) STOP WITH THE NOISES!

Pinkie: Hey.. Just cause we celebrated earlier doesn't mean you drink ALL the wine.

Mrs Cake: Uhh.. Anyway. would you mind watching the counter while I pop to the supply room? We've just received a very special order, and the ingredients need to be perfect.

Pinkie Pie: Okie-dokie-lokie.

Mrs Cake: Thanks, dear!

Pinkie: (ends up reading letter addressed to the Cakes) A BABY!?..

Saten: (throws bottle at her due to his infamish temper) NO SHOUTING!

Pinkie: (quieter) Shining Armor and Princess Cadance are having a baby?! [squeals] This is the best news ever! I can't wait to tell Twilight!

Saten: Who the hell is Cadence?

Pinkie: The one you tried hitting on.

Saten: (sits up a bit) I hit on a LOT of girls.. Trixie isn't exactly the "jealous" the type anymore.

Pinkie: Fair enough.

Mrs. Cake: Oh, em, Pinkie, uh... [whispers] it's a top secret surprise.

Mrs. Cake and Pumpkin Cake: [prolonged shushing][door closes]

Pinkie Pie: A top secret surprise?! That means I have to keep the exciting news... [gulps] ...to myself!

Saten: (annoyed) oh god here comes that damn song.

(the theme song plays).


	27. Chapter 27

Later that day Pinkie is seen having lunch with Saten and Derpy. The three have been hanging out a lot lately.

Pinkie: Even though I didn't _technically_ make a Pinkie Promise to Mrs. Cake, I can't tell Twilight or _anypony_ the big news! That would make me a... a... a big old surprise ruiner! Right?

Derpy: But you DID tell someone.. You told "us".

Pinkie: ... Oh god, your right.. See, I CAN'T keep a secret.

Gummy: [sucking on pacifier]

Pinkie: Did you take that from Pound Cake again? Don't you know it's wrong to steal from a baby?

Rarity: What's all this about a baby?

Pinkie: What? Who? What? Who said something about a baby?!

Rarity: You did, Ms. Pie, just now. What were you talking about?

Pinkie: Umm... [sucking on pacifier]..

Rarity: What are you doi-

Pinkie: NOTHING!.. I'm doing nothing.. (runs off).

Derpy: (sighs) I better go after her.. (flies off).

Rarity: (alone with Saten) Soo...

Saten: You have any asprine?

Rarity: Think so.. Follow me. (leads him to her house).

* * *

MEANWHILE

* * *

Pinkie: Oh Derpy.. I don't know if I could do this?

Derpy: Well.. You can always do what I do when I have a problem.. (shows bag of Marijuana).

* * *

SOON AFTER:

Pinkie and Derpy are both high.

Pinkie: W- What where we doing again?

Derpy: Say.. This reminds me. (long pause).

Pinkie: Reminds you of what?

Derpy: ... Dude.. I totally forget.


	28. Chapter 28

LATER:

* * *

Inside Twilight's castle, Saten came in as he's part of the group now. Saved the main six more than once.

Saten: Hey, I'm here.

Twilight: Great sweetie.. Have you happened to see Pinkie on your way here?

Saten: Last I saw her.. She was with my roommate.

Rarity: You mean Derpy?

Saten: Yeah, her.. I'm sure Pinkie will arrive so-

Pinkie: (comes in).

Saten: There she is.

Pinkie: (still under the effects of the Marijuana) Duuude.

Twilight: What's with your eyes.

Pinkie: (stoned) Fine.. I'm fine, (stoned laugh).

Twilight: (to Saten) What did you do to her?

Saten: Why think I did anything?

Pinkie: (stoned laughter).

Saten: See, she's fine.

Pinkie: (stoned) Sorry, I had trouble working my key to the castle.

Rarity: Darling, that's a leaf.

Pinkie: (stoned) Say.. What if.. Our whole universe.. Was just another leaf on God's tree... Mind blown!

Dash: ... Your high.

Pinkie: On life?.. Yes I am!

Dash: No, on weed.. I know the signs.. Shame on you Saten.. Getting sweet little Pinkie on drugs.

Saten: Hey.. It was Derpy, I had nothing to do with it.

AJ: He's right.. Derpy is kind of a stoner.

* * *

 _FLASHBACK:_

 _AJ: Derpy, I need you to watch over AppleBloom._

 _Derpy: Sure._

 _(not long after)._

 _AJ: Hey Derpy I just thought I'd check on y- OH MY GOD!_

 _Derpy: (stoned and in fetal position) Gov'ment came & took my baby!_

 _END FLASHBACK:_

* * *

LATER:

Everyone gathered around the their table, Pinkie is no longer under the drug effects, so everything is normal.

Twilight: Great! Everypony's here. Now I don't have to wait any longer to tell you all the wonderful news! Somebody special is coming to visit Ponyville, and I need your help getting everything ready!

[main cast chattering, except Saten who's looking bored].

Twilight: It's...

Pinkie and Twilight both: Shining Armor and Princess Cadance!

Twilight: ... Yes, and they're coming—

Pinkie: Tomorrow!

Twilight: ... Yes, on the-

Pinkie: Friendship Express rather than the Crystal Empire train so as not to cause too much of a scene when they skip town to come visit? [squee]

Twilight: Uhh.. Yes.

Pinkie: Annnnnd?

Twilight: And, that's it.

Pinkie: Oh.

Rainbow Dash: Uh, how did _you_ know all that?

Pinkie: [nervous laugh] Uh... Pinkie Sense?

Rainbow Dash: So, you said you needed our help with something?

Twilight: Follow me.

* * *

Rainbow Dash: Sweet posters! Is that Smash Fortune?

Twilight Sparkle: It sure is! When Shining Armor said he wanted to come to the castle and visit, I started collecting things he liked when he was a colt as a surprise!

Pinkie: Surprise?! [nervous laugh]

Twilight: I've been so excited that it's been hard to keep it to myself!

Pinkie: [slightly muffled] I have no idea what that's like!

Fluttershy: Aww, look at the cute little ant farm!

Spike: And check out all these old comic books!

Twilight: Be careful! They're mint-in-bag!

Spike: [accidently blows it on fire] [nervous whistling]

Saten: What's this?

Twilight: This is Brutus Force. Shining Armor used to carry him around like his baby!

Pinkie: Yeah! [nervous laugh] Really cute! [nervous laugh]

Rarity: It is a bit juvenile for castle décor, but it is very sweet of you.

Fluttershy: I'm sure Shining Armor will love it.

Twilight: Me, too. But there's a few more things I'd like to add before he gets here, and I could really use a hoof collecting them. Applejack: Whatever you need, sugarcube, we'll help you get it.

Rest of main cast sans Twilight: [various agreements]

Twilight: Thanks, everybody! I just can't wait 'til they walk in and see everything!

Rainbow Dash: _Totally_ understandable. Watching sombody else be surprised with something is almost better than being the one who's getting the surprise!

Pinkie: But... eh... what if the surprise is something so incredibly exciting that a pony can't keep it in any longer, and she has to tell the pony standing next to her what it is or she might _explode_?!

Fluttershy: I would say... no.

Rarity: The pony who ruins a surprise for somepony else has to live with that guilt _forever_!

Pinkie: [nervous laugh] Gotta bounce! [pinball noises] [crash]

Rainbow Dash: So, I know the bar is set pretty high, but does anybody else think Pinkie Pie was acting weirder than usual?


	29. Chapter 29

Twilight: Those look yummy, Pinkie! Let me help you! But we better cover them up so they don't get spoiled.

Pinkie: Why would they get spoiled? We're all gonna eat them super soon!

Saten: Oh, didn't anybody tell you? Shining Armor and Cadance are held up. They may not arrive 'til Saturday.

Pinkie: _Whaaaaaaaaaat?!_ [hyperventilating] You mean... [breathes] I have... [breathes] to wait... [breathes] another whole day?! I don't know if I can!

Twilight: Pinkie Pie, do you have something you need to say? You seem like you've been keeping something in.

Pinkie: [inarticulate yell]

Fluttershy: We're here to listen.

Applejack: Well, go on then, sugarcube.

Rarity: We're not going to judge you, darling.

Spike: You'll feel so much better once you get it off your chest!

Pinkie Pie: [blowing up balloon]

Rainbow Dash: Come on. [balloon pops]

Rainbow Dash: Whatever it is, you can tell us! We're best friends!

[with reverb] _Friends! Friends! Friends!_ Twilight Sparkle: [with reverb] Tell! Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle: [with reverb] _Tell! Tell!_ Main cast sans Pinkie Pie: _Friends! Friends! Friends! Tell! Tell! Tell!_

Pinkie: Okay, okay, you win! [inhales] Shining Armor and Cadance are gonna have a—

Shining Armor: An awesome weekend with the best little sister in all of Equestria!

Cadance: [giggles] Hi, every pony..

Pinkie Pie: [exhales]

Cadence: (to Saten) What's your name?

Saten: (pervertly) What ever you WANT it to be.

Cadence: (laughs) Oh sweetie, that isn't gonna work, but keep on trying (pats his head).

Saten: (groans) that's what Starlight Glimmer said.. I never stopped though. I even got her autograph.

Twi: That was a restraining order.

Saten: Yeah.. But she still signed it.. It goes great next to my restraining order from Lauren Faust.


	30. Chapter 30

Twilight: Shining Armor, Cadance! You're early! I thought something had come up and you weren't gonna make it until Saturday?

Cadance: So did we. Turned out we weren't needed in Maretonia until _next_ week. And the summit we were supposed to attend today had to be rescheduled, so... we got here even sooner than planned!

Shining Armor: Surprise!

Cadance: It's wonderful to see you all again!

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity: [chattering]

Applejack: Well, the pleasure's all ours, Princess.

Twilight: I'm so glad you're here! I have a big surprise for you!

Shining Armor: Oh, yeah?

* * *

Later:

Saten: (runs up to Cadence when she's by herself) Hello again.

Cadence: Oh.. Hi

Saten: Say.. If our relationships ever fail here's something to think about. (gives her a small piece of paper).

Cadence: T.. This is just a phone number.

Saten: Yeah.. MY phone number.

Cadence: (uncomfortable) Oh.

Saten: Yeah.

Cadence: I'm.. I'm a little creeped out.

Saen: Good.. Than it's working

* * *

Shining Armor: [hushed] Lucky we came when we did, huh? I'm guessing you saw the scroll we sent to Mr. and Mrs. Cake?.. (Pinkie smiles and blushes). Hey, I'm impressed you've been able to keep our secret _this_ long!

Pinkie: So you're gonna tell Twilight now?!

Shining Armor: [hushed] You're gonna have to wait just a little bit longer. We have something special planned.. Why you think we had Ditto send it to the cakes.. It took some convincing though.

* * *

 _FLASHBACK:_

 _Shining: Boss, can you send this letter to the cakes instead of Twilight._

 _Ditto: I don't send letters, that's YOUR job._

 _Shining: I can't let her see me wait yet._

 _Ditto: Fine, whatever.. (takes the letter)._

 _Shining: Your probably wondering why._

 _Ditto: Actually. I'm wondering why your not WORKING wait now.. I don't pay you to stand around._

 _Shining: Well.. Me and Cadence are having baby._

 _Ditto: That's great, but please get to_ _work-_

 _Shining: And we don't want Twilight knowing._

 _Ditto: I DON'T CARE WAIT NOW!_

 _Shining: She will still find out.. But not yet_

 _Ditto: This is why I never promote you._

 _Shining: But we plan on giving Twilight a surprise party over it._

 _Ditto: Are you even listening to me?_

 _Shining: Glad you understand Commander.. Have a good trip._

 _Ditto: (groans)_

* * *

Shining: It'll be worth it, I promise.

Pinkie: (under breath) It'd better be.


	31. Chapter 31

LATER:

Everyone is seen eating lunch. Pinkie and Saten are seen at the same table, Saten eating burger, Pinkie eating a sandwich/

Saten: Can you get the pepper, please?

Pinkie: I don't know how much longer I can last.. I am gonna explode if I don't tell somebody.

Saten: It'll be fine. Now please pass the pepper!

Pinkie: Hang on. I don't feel like you're taking this dilemma seriously.

Saten: Fine sweetie. You have my undivided attention.

Pinkie: Okay, now, the Shining said I still can't tell anyone the surprise.

Saten: (sarcastically) No way!

Pinkie: Yeah, well, it's true. But I am killing myself over here!

Saten: (sarcastically) Well, we wouldn't want that!

Pinkie: No, see? Well, you absolutely would not. And furthermore, this is getting harder than ever before!

Saten: (sarcastically) You're kidding!

Pinkie: No, I am not.

Saten: (sarcastically) This is a nightmare. How will you ever make a decision?

Sheldon You see? I don't know. What should I do?

Saten: (angrily pounding table) PLEASE! PASS! THE PEPPER!

Pinkie: (passes it nervously).

Saten: Finally.. (takes the pepper and puts on his burger before he starts eating it).

SOON AFTER:

Rainbow Dash: Where did Shining Armor and Cadance say they'd meet us?

Twilight: In the town square. I wish they'd waited to walk over with us, but they said they had something to take care of first!

Pinkie Pie: [through gritted teeth] They're gonna have a lot more to take care of soon...

Twilight: What?

Pinkie: Nothiiiiiiing!

Twilight Sparkle: What's this? [gasps]

Rarity: What does it say?

Twilight: A scavenger hunt! Shining Armor used to set these up for me when I was a filly! At the end, there was always a big prize, like a new book, or several new books, or—

Pinkie: (uncharacteristically angry) We get the picture! You like books!

Applejack: So what's the first clue?

Pinkie: [reading quickly] "You've got a scroll, you're on a roll, why don't you take a peek where young ones spend their week? A piece of paper will continue this caper."

Twilight: I've got it! "Where the young ones spend their week."

Applejack: I'm not quite followin'.

* * *

Twilight: It's the Ponyville Schoolhouse!

Pinkie: Good enough for me! Now where's the next clue? [panting like a dog] [sniffing] [sneezes]

Featherweight: Extra, extra! Get your Ponyville news! Read it in the paper! Extra, extra! [continues repeating under]

Twilight: "A piece of paper will continue this caper." [gasps] It's in the _Foal Free Press_!

Rarity: Ooh, look at that dress Mayor Mare is wearing in the social report! Why, it's stunning!

Saten: Uh, didn't _you_ make that, Rarity?

Rarity: Yes, what is your point?

Pinkie: _Focus,_ everybody!

Twilight: You know, there's really no time limit on these scavenger hunts, Pinkie.

Pinkie: Aha! There! [tapping paper]

Twilight: [reading] "Though this hall is rather small, in it you'll find files of all kinds. Take a look on the back of the birth certificate of Applejack."

Twilight: Does anybody know where the birth certificates are kept?

Pinkie: Ooh! I do, I do! Go down that hall, then you take a left, then a right, then another right, then a slight left, and it's the third door from the right!

Fluttershy: Wow, Pinkie. I never knew you knew so much about town hall.

Pinkie: There's a lot of things I know! That you don't know I know!

* * *

Fluttershy: Oh, you're so cute.

Fluttershy and Twilight: [giggling]

Twilight: [reading] "This next place is where you can buy a table or chair, or some comfy beds to rest little heads"? [zip] [beat]

Pinkie: Ugh, really? None of you? [groan] _It's obviously the furniture store!_ Go in, go in, go in!

Twilight: I don't know...

Pinkie: Daagh, fine! [rumbling and commotion] [crash]

Rainbow: Wow, you're scary good at this, Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie: [reading quickly] "It seems we've saved the best for last. We hope that you have had a blast. Now it's time to take a break where you can get a slice of cake!"

Main cast sans Pinkie Pie: Sugarcube Corner!

Pinkie: [scoffs] That was an easy one.


	32. Chapter 32

Shining Armor: Surprise! Twily, did you like the scavenger hunt?

Twilight: It was perfect! Just like old times, except even better because this time I got to share it with my best friends! There's just one thing missing, isn't there?

Shining Armor: What's that?

Twilight: Mmmm, the book prize at the end!

Shining Armor: [laughs] There's still a prize, but it's a little different this time.

Twilight: Oh. I don't understand.

Pinkie: [giggles quietly]

Cadance: All the places we sent you today had something in common.

Twilight: Hmmm... First we went to the schoolhouse...

Pinkie: [trembling]

Twilight: And then we read the _Foal Free Press_... After that we found Applejack's birth certificate... And then the last clue was under a crib.

Pound and Pumpkin Cake: [giggling]

Twilight Sparkle: Hmmm... School... foal... birth certificate... and crib... [gasps] Can it be? Are you two...?!

Cadance and Shining Armor: We're having a _baby_!

Pinkie: A baby, Twilight! It's a baby! Woo-hoo!

Twilight: You mean... I'm going to be an aunt?! This is the best prize ever!

Cadance and Shining Armor: [laughing]

Twilight: Oh, I love you guys! And I can't wait to meet your little foal!

Shining Armor: Neither can we. [chattering]

Pinkie: I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it! [squee] [pop] Go, Pinkie. [chattering]

Cadance: [giggles] You did it, Pinkie Pie! You kept it a surprise! Thank you! Was it much trouble?

Pinkie: Piece of cake! [squee].

* * *

LATER:

While they were partying their was a knock on the door, and Dash opened it.

Dash: (gasps) Ditto!.. (hugs him).

Ditto: Hey.. Looking for Shining.

Shining Armor: Hey.. Come to join the party?

Ditto: Not wait this minute.. You could of told me you were gonna be away, I looked everywhere for you.

Cadence: We left you a note.

Ditto: You did?

Cadence: Yeah.. Told Spike to send it.

Spike: (sneaks away nervously).

* * *

 **Only one chapter left after this.,**


	33. Chapter 33

Twi: You sure you can't stay for the party Ditto?

Ditto: I'm not really in the mood.

Cadence: How?.. I mean you finally got Luna to accept being your girlfriend.

Ditto: I did.. But we've been having problems, says she loves me, but I need some sort of anger management class.

Cadence: Well.. She's not wrong.

Saten: Really? Maybe he can go to mine.

Rarity: (sarcastically) Yeah, cause it's working WONDERS with you.

Saten: (angrily) Don't judge me!.. (hears jazz playing) AND SOMEONE TURN OFF THIS STUPID MUSIC!

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 3:**

 **To those who want Ditto back to being the lead like he was in "SWEET APPLE MASSACRE SPOOF"**

 **He won't be the lead like that one, it's obviously about Saten, not Ditto.. But will at least try making Ditto a recurring character, but no promises.**

 **His personality changed a bit SAM spoof. He's a lot less serious, but still the tough guy he was originally made as..**


	34. Episode 4

_**EPISODE 4:**_

* * *

Twilight: If somebody had told me when I was a blank flank that one day I'd give a speech to a class at Celestia's School of Magic, I wouldn't have believed it, but.. I hope that I have been up to the task, because I can tell that all of you are and that the future of Equestrian magic is in good hooves.

Spike: (sarcastically) Wow, hehe. That was even better than the first eleven times.

Twilight: Eh, I don't know, Spike. I'd like to be able to get through the whole speech without looking at the cards.

Spike: Come on, Twilight! You can't be nervous about giving a speech to a bunch of magic students!

Twilight: Oh, I'm not nervous, Spike, but I do have to set a good example, especially for magic students. That's why this speech has to be...

Spike: (sighs) I wish I were with Saten instead.. He's catching up with Lemon heart.. Would of been more fun

Twilight: Maybe.. But he didn't want you there.

Spike: What makes you say that.

Twilight: His exact words were _"I hate that damn dragon"_


	35. Chapter 35

Meanwhile, Saten Twist catches up to an unnamed stallion, near an empty building.

Saten: (angrily) Hey, buddy.. Give back Lemon's purse.

Stallion: (holding beer bottle) And why would I do tha- (Saten steals the guys bottle) Hey!

Saten: (looking at the bottle) this must of been expensive.

Stallion: Not really.. It was on sale.

Saten: Oh.. Good.. Than the only this this will damage is your head, not to bank account.

Stallion: What you mean my he-

Saten: Last chance to give back the purse back.

Stallion: Fuck you.

Saten: I figured your say that.. (suddenly he breaks the bottle on the guys head, causing the top of his head to start bleeding).

Stallion: (screams in pain and freaks out).

Saten: Yeah, that hurt?

Stallion: (still screaming).

Saten: That hurt?

Stallion: WHAT THE HELL!? (continues yelling).

Saten: Shouldn't of robbed my cousin.. (punches the Stallion) That's what happens, man! (punches the Stallion again).

Stallion: Oh, my God!

Saten: Yeah, that's what happens. (begins repeatedly punching him) Messed with the wrong girl, pal!

Saten Twist violently beats up the stallion, before grabbing Lemon's purse, witch was dropped by thief during the ordeal.

Saten: There.. Next time your know better, won't you?

Stallion: (panting and badly beaten up) You freakin' psychopath!

Saten: (throws him towel) Yeah, clean yourself up.. (flies off, glad to have had the"stress release").

* * *

Saten: Here's your purse.

Lemon: (takes it) Oh.. Just as I was beginning to think you STOPPED being sweet after all those years.

Saten: (under breath) I needed to hurt someone today anyway.

Minuette: (with Lemon) You say something?

Saten: No.. Not at all.

Twinkleshine: Hey. We should see go watch Twilight's speech.

Lemon and Minuette: (excitedly) Yeah!

Dash: No!

All 3: (adorably) Pleeease?

Saten: I'm not going to a stupid, boring, speech!

* * *

AT THE SPEECH:

Saten: (looking annoyed while in his seat) I am NOT happy about this.

Twinkleshine: What was the last thing you were EVER happy about?

Saten: ... Shut up.

Lemon: Well too late now.. Your stuck with us for the next 2 hours.

Saten: It's two hours!?

Lemon: And no beers are allowed.

Saten: (starts crying).

Spike: Don't worry man.. I'll keep you company.

Saten: (cries even harder).


	36. Chapter 36

Saten and Spike: Starlight Glimmer?

Twilight: I was sure I saw her, boys. But when I looked again, she was gone! I'm just worried what she could be up

Spike: Nothing good, I bet. I heard she wasn't very happy the _last_ time you saw.

Saten: (sarcastically) You don't say.

Twilight: Look, forcing everybody in her village to have the same cutie mark wasn't right. We had to do something!

Saten: More like _you_ had to do something.. I loved her town.

Twilight: (annoyed) No you didn't.. You just thought she was hot.

Saten: ... Still do.

Twilight: Well, you won't be thinking that after she tries to kill you.

Saten: Sadly, I probably WOULD still think it.

* * *

Twilight: Maybe I was just more stressed about that speech than I thought.

Spike: Yeah. That sounds better than Starlight Glimmer coming back with an evil plot for revenge.

Twilight: Well, when you say it like that, it does sound kinda silly.

Spike: (sudden fear), Or it's totally true!

Starlight: (dramatically sitting in Fluttershy's seat) Welcome home, Twilight!

Saten: Hey-hey.. Looking good Starligh-

Twilight: (covers his mouth) How'd you get in? The doors were locked.

Starlight: But your windows weren't (chuckles).

Starlight: But anyway.. You ruined my town Twilight!.. In fact. I was _waiting for you!_

Twilight: Waiting for m-.. What are you talking about, Starlight!?

Starlight: [laughs] I'd tell you, but I don't want to _ruin_ the surprise!

Saten: Hey, is it weird to say I'm really turned on wait no-

Starlight: SHUT UP SATEN!.. You ALSO ruined my town!... In fact.. I am glad your here. (her horn begins to glow) Your LOVE, _this_!.. _(sucks Twilight, Spike and Saten all though a portal)._

* * *

 **Starlight Glimmer is one of my** **favourite characters now..**

 **I never really hated her.. Felt kinda like she DID mean well..**


	37. Chapter 37

Saten: Cloudsdale? Starlight doesn't even have wings! Why would she come here?

Twi: I don't know Twist, Spike, but it looked like she could fly with just magic! Keep your eyes open. We don't know what she has planned.

[whoosh]

Spike: Isn't that Rainbow Dash?

Twi: Did Rainbow Dash look really young to you? And I didn't see a cutie mark. You don't thin-.. Saten put her down!

Saten: (hugging filly Rainbow Dash) She's adorable!

Filly Dash: I NEED AN ADULT!

Saten: I AM an adult.

Twi: _(pulls Filly Dash away, and lets her fly off frightenedly)_ We don't have time for this.

Saten: (groans) Whatever.

Spike: Uh, anyway... Seems we traveled back in time to when Rainbow Dash raced the bullies who made fun of Fluttershy and performed her first sonic rainboom.

Twi: But only Star Swirl the Bearded could do something like that, and even his spell just went back a week! How could Starlight do more than the greatest wizard in Equestria?

[paper rustling]

Spike: With this.

Twi: (gasps) Star Swirl's spell! Oh, no!

Spike: Come on, let's go!

Twi: Go where?

Spike: To watch the race. I don't wanna miss the rainboom! Whoa!

Twi: (sighs) Come on Saten, we better follow him.

* * *

Starlight Glimmer: (appears during race, and stops Dash, ruining coarse of time).. Huh... That was surprisingly easy, I still have time for my to do list.

 ** _4PM to 7PM, write hate letters to Nicole Arbour_**

Twi: (appears, with clear anger on her face) What did you do?!

Starlight: (chuckles) Your about to find out, darling.


	38. Chapter 38

Spike: Uh, Twilight? Where's your castle?

Twilight: The map pulled us back, but whatever Starlight did in the past changed things here!

Spike: But why? And how did we get here? Where's here?

Twilight: More like _when_.

Saten: _(annoyed)_ Please Twilight, that's such a douche time-traveler thing to say.

Twilight: Whatever.. Point is, Starlight altered Star Swirl's spell, then somehow used it on the map to travel into the past and change something!

Saten: It's obvious what it i-

Twilight: Saten, please.. Anyway. Once she did, the map pulled us back to the present!

Spike: So we're back where— I mean, _when_ we started?

 _(Saten is heard groaning)_

Twilight: Not exactly. Everything's different. Look. The map doesn't even make sense anymore! The Crystal Empire takes up half of Equestria!

Spike: Plus there's the whole missing castle thing.

Twilight: Right! This is too big to handle on our own.

Spike: You think?

Twilight: We need to find our friends and get help!

Spike: I'm gettin' a bad feeling about this, Twilight.

Twilight: I know, Spike, but this is Ponyville. How bad could things be?

Spike: Is that Sugarcube Corner?

Twilight: I don't understand.

Spike: _[gasps] (runs to Rarity's house, knocking on her door)_ RARITY!?

Twilight: I don't think she's here, Spike. I'm not sure anything we know is the same. But I know one place that could never change!

* * *

SKIPS TO APPLEJACK'S FARM:

Twilight: Applejack?!

Applejack: What can I do for you?

Twilight: It's so good to see you! We couldn't find Pinkie or Rarity or Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash, but I just knew you'd still be here!

Applejack: Of course I am. This is my home. But who in tarnation is Pinkie Bow and Flutterdash? Or you for that matter?

Twilight: You... don't know who I am?

Saten: Coarse she dosen't dummy.. Starlight changed so you don't know each other.

Twilight: ... I don't follow.

Saten: _(sighs in annoyance)_ Coarse you don't.

Applejack: Honestly, the only name I recognize is Rarity, but she left for Manehattan years ago.

Spike: (excited) Probably to become a world-famous fashion designer, I bet.

Applejack: Not that I know of. Last I heard, she went to help with the cause like everypony else.

Twilight: The cause?

Applejack: The war against King Sombra and the Crystal Empire?

Twilight, Saten and Spike: What?!

Applejack: Where have you three been?

Spike: Actually, it's _whe-_

Saten: (angrily) Don't say it!


	39. Chapter 39

Applejack: Well, I'll admit. I've lived in these parts my whole life and I've never seen this before.

Spike: There's also supposed to be a castle that goes with it.

Applejack: But I still don't see what this has to do with you and I bein' friends.

Twilight: Another pony named Starlight Glimmer used this map to travel through time and change things in the past. For some reason, the map's here but everything else is different!

Applejack: Different how?

Saten: Well, for one thing, where we come from, there's no war with King Sombra.

Twilight: Yeah.. Maybe you could tell us how the war started, then we can figure out when everything changed!

Applejack: That's easy enough. [sighs] When the Crystal Empire returned, it brought King Sombra back with it.. And it didn't take long for him to force every one of his subjects to fight for him against Equestria.. And even with Princess Celestia leadin' the charge, it still takes every last pony in Equestria doin' their part, workin' day and night, to keep up the fight.. First place to go was Fillydefia.

Saten: WHAT!?

Twilight: I just can't believe it! We stopped King Sombra! You and me and all of our friends!

Applejack: But we aren't friends.

Twilight: Wel-

Saten: Forget that Twilight!.. There's more important questions.

AppleJack: Like?

Saten: (shaking AppleJack) WAS DERPY STILL IN FILLYDEFIA!?

AppleJack: Who's Derpy?

Saten: (enraged) THAT WASN'T THE QUESTION!

Twilight: Saten calm dow-

Saten: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!.. DERPY MAY BE DEAD!

Twilight: (hugs him) Saten, it's okay, we're going to set things right.

Applejack: [sighs] I hope you do.

Saten: Yeah.. If you don't.. Well.. You won't exactly be so pretty anymore.

Twilight: ... You think I'm pretty?

Saten: Well.. (looks away) that wasn't the point.

Twilight: (giggles)

Spike: So... how _are_ we gonna set things right?

Twilight: _I don't know!_ The only thing we know for sure is that Starlight stopped the rainboom.

Spike: And that the map's still here.

Twilight: [gasps] Spike, that's it! The map is connected to the Tree of Harmony! It must sense that something isn't right! That's why it's still here! I'll just use Starlight's version of the spell and go back a little earlier and stop her before she even knows we're there!


	40. Chapter 40

Fluttershy: All servants of Queen Chrysalis found in these woods must be... destroyed!

Twilight: Wait! We're not changelings! Me and Saten are ponies! (points at Spike) And he's a dragon!

Pinkie: A likely story! Do something dragonish!

Spike: [belches]

Pinkie: [wheezes] That works..

Fluttershy: The servants of Chrysalis will do ANYTHING to save their evil skins!

Zecora: Stop! If they are changelings we'll soon see. Though I think they're not what they appear to be.

Saten: (groans) Oh god, not HER again.

Twilight: (shushes him)

Saten: (groans annoyedly)

Twilight: Zecora! Please, you have to listen.

Zecora: (ignores her) Beneath this salve, no changeling hides, for it reveals the truth inside.

Pinkie: What does it mean?

Zecora: The meaning is far worse, I see, for it is we who should not be.

Twilight: I think I can explain.

Zecora: I'm sure you can, but let's not talk here. Chrysalis and her army will soon draw near!

Saten: You mean that giant bug lady, who was strangely kinda hot?

Twilight: Is that any girl that you DON'T find hot!?

Saten: ... Granny Smith, maybe

Zecora: Uhhh, anyway.. The changelings took over not long ago. Though I'll wager in your world that isn't so.

Twilight: Chrysalis and her army tried to take over Canterlot, but my friends and I stopped her.

Zecora: Those friends as you know them are not here


	41. Chapter 41

Rainbow Dash: The changelings attacked Ponyville! We barely escaped with our lives!

Zecora: The only changeling attack I see is the one that come here looking for me!

Applejack: (dramatically approaches) It's taken quite a while to find you, _Zecora_. [laughs and reveals to not be REAL AppleJck, but instead the Queen].

Queen Chrysalis: [laughs] What a lovely village you've chosen to stage your little _resistance_. It looks absolutely delicious! [slurps]

Saten: You say the WEIRDEST things..

Chrysalis: Oh, come now, Zecora. You're vastly outnumbered.[changeling wings humming, Dash and Rarity turn into changelings, sense they also are just disguises].

Saten: I kinda like this.. We can so them a large light, and then the war would be over.

Pinkie: We already tried that, their smarter then that sadly.

Queen Chrysalis: I know you don't want your charges hurt. Come quietly to the dungeons of Canterlot and I promise to leave the others

Pinkie: Why would she ever trust _you_?!

Twilight: Even if there's a chance Chrysalis will honor her word, shouldn't you try?

Zecora: [hushed] Race to the map while we hold off their attack. Stop Starlight and put the whole world back on track!

Queen Chrysalis: Time to make a decision, Zecora!

Zecora: Even if what you are saying were true, we'd never surrender to a creature like you! (the battle begins as Saten Twilight and Spike run to the portal).


	42. Chapter 42

Twilight: I don't know what happened that led you to make your village without cutie marks, and I'm sorry my friends and I had to take it away.

Starlight: (angrily) You want to know what happened to me?! _I'll show you!_

* * *

SOON AFTER:

Starlight: Because of his cutie mark! He got his, and I didn't! He moved on, and I didn't! I stayed here and never made another friend because I was too afraid another cutie mark would take them away, too!

Twilight: That's ridiculous. A cutie mark can't take your friends away.

Starlight: Not everybody's lucky enough to get her cutie mark at the same time as her friends!

Saten: Well.. Maybe she doesn't understand, but I do.

Twilight: Saten, that's not helping.

Saten: (shushes Twilight, and approaches the tearful Starlight, who's cuddled in a cute little ball).. My cutie mark ruined my WHOLE life.. I may understand what this is like.

Starlight: Yes.. I suppose I DO remember you telling me that.

Twilight: Say what?

Saten: We became friends at one point.

Twilight: Oh.

Starlight: I thought Sunburst and I were the same. But we turned out different, and it tore our friendship apart!

Saten: Could be worse.. I've been arrested 7 times, beaten by my own parents, and rejected by EVERY girl but Trixie.

StarlightL: I.. Guess.

Twilight: And besides.. Just Make _new_ friends! And if something that you can't control happens that changes things, work through it together! That's what friendship is! And it's not just _my_ friendships that are important to Equestria! Everybody's are! When yours ended, it led us here. But just imagine all the others that are out there waiting for you if you just give them a chance!

Starlight: But how?

Twilight: Well Saten certainly seems to care about you, start there.

Starlight: True (stands up and hugs Saten).

Saten: (tries not to blush from the affection, proving he still has that crush on her).

Twilight: (giggles at this) Let's get back.

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 4**


	43. EPISODE 5

**Trevor Phillips is mentioned in this, as a inside joke from TREVR PHILLIPS SERIES. Cause Pinkie Pie was involved as Trevor's henchmen (Cupcakes version of her)..**

* * *

Starlight Glimmer, newly accepted student to Princess Twilight Sparkle, tries finding her way around the large Castle of Friendship. Upon finding Twilight in the castle library, Starlight thanks Twilight for letting her stay at the castle after everything she's done in the past. Twilight tries to help Starlight feel welcome, and as Starlight's teacher, she tries to figure out what her first friendship lessonshould be, having made extensive lists of possibilities.

Starlight: Right. Uh.. Is Saten here?

Twilight: He said he's on his way.. First he said he and Derpy had to do something.

* * *

MEANWHILE:

Derpy: I.. I don't know about this Saten.. This place is giving me the creeps.

Saten: Relax, it'll be fine.. (knocks on the door to a old, rusty looking, trailer).

Trevor Phillips: (opens his door) Hello?

Saten: (holds contact) Hi, do you mind signing this contact to legalize wee-

Trevor: (suddenly punches Saten square in the nose, knocking him off the steps and onto the ground) I make a SHIT load of money selling that stuff! Last thing I can handle is legalism, NOW FUCK OFF!

Saten: (holding his nose as Derpy helps him up) You could of just said no!

Trevor: What's the fun in that?

Saten: Your a dick.

Trevor: WHAT!?.. (pulls out gun) SAY THAT AGAI- (Suddenly there's an explosion from inside the trailer).

Trevor: DAMN IT MICHAEL! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SMOKE IN HERE!

Michael: (off view) Eh, shut up!

Saten: Who's your friend?

Trevor: Why are you still here!? FUCK OFF!

Saten: (angrily) You fuck off.

Derpy: (nervously grabs leaves) Cousin, the guy has a gun.

Saten: Yeah, well I bet it's not real (gets nearly shot) LEAVING! (he and Derpy run off).

Trevor: (sighs and goes back inside his house) Stupid pony references.. I hate this fuckin writer!


	44. Chapter 44

**The ending is reusing a scene from Season 1.. Just love using it..**

* * *

Derpy: Well... That was scary.

Saten: Yeah.. But we still need a lift.. Lets ask her.

Carly Jade: (walking by) Who me?

Saten: Yeah.. Mind giving us a lift to the air port?

Carly: Sure kid, just let me put my _lawn trimmings_ in the trunk.. (puts a suspicious looking body bag into the trunk of her car).

Derpy: Saten.. I -I think that was a body.

Saten: Yeah, I thought so two, but than she said it was lawn trimmings, gotta learn to listen Derpy.

* * *

AT THE TRAIN STATION:

Derpy: Oh no. The line is so long. We're never get aboard.

Carly Jade: Watch and learn my dear... ( _suddenly she takes out a live and loaded handgun and fired it several times into the air, successfully causing panic, and everyone ahead of them ran away in fear_ ). There, problem salved. Now you two better hurry on there.

Saten: Uhh.. Thanks, I guess.. You wanna come?

Carly: (sarcastically) Why so you can hit on me the whole time?

Saten: ... No (hides camera he was gonna use to take secret pictures of her).

Carly: Good bye you guys (leaves).

Derpy: Come on cousin.. (she goes on the train, Saten soon following).

* * *

DURING THE TRAIN RIDE:

Derpy: What do we do now?

Saten: Only one thing TOO do..

* * *

SOON AFTER:

* * *

Saten and Derpy are seen sharing a weed joint, as only 'one' was able to be sneaked aboard.

Derpy: ( _stoned_ ) I.. I'm telling you. T The only reason we die.. I Is because we except it as an inevitability.

Saten: ... ( _stoned laugh and points at the joint_ ) This shit is AWESOME! ( _they both laugh, and high five)._


	45. Chapter 45

THE NEXT DAY:

* * *

CRYSYAL EMPIRE:

Saten: Me?

Twilight: Yes.. Starlight really seems to like you, so you can be the one to help Starlight find her old friend, Sunburst.

Saten: ... Can I bring Derpy?

Twilight: (giggles) of coarse you can.. But Spike is going two, I don't have any jobs for him.

Saten: Fine, fine.

Twilight: Then it's settled! Shining Armor and I will head straight to the castle, and you two can head straight to Sunburst's!

Spike: Aye-aye, Princess!

Starlight: [nervously] Uh-huh.

Twilight: (to Shining) Alright, big brother, let's go see this amazing baby pony!

Shining Armor: [snoring] Ahhh... the baby...


	46. Chapter 46

Saten: It's too bad that Carly girl didn't come.

Derby: She seemed kinda messed up in the head.

Saten: So?

Derby: We already _have_ someone for that role.

* * *

 _Master Sword: Hey Derpy, happy birthday.. Here's your present._

 _Derpy: Is that a head!?_

 _Master Sword: (holding dead pony head) Yep, he shouldn't of touched my stuff!_

 _END FLASHBACK:_

* * *

Starlight: Are you sure guys sure about this..

Saten: Hey we're here for you.

Spike: Me tw-

Saten: (angrily) SHUT UP SPIKE!.. (calmly to Starlight) See, we're all friends here.

Starlight: Well, no offence Saten, but you don't exactly build to my comfort.

Saten: Hey.. I just care for you, dosen't mean I'm over protective.

Random Pony: (innocently) Hi Starlight.

Saten: (angrily) BACK OFF CREEP! (throws bottle at him).

The Random Pony: (fearfully runs away).

(everyone stares at him).

Saten: ... Fine, I am.. But your so hot Starlight.. Surely "someone" would take advantage.

Starlight: It's only a kids show Saten.

Saten: Still has adult references, especially with the current type of viewers.

Starlight: Fair enough.. But don't you have a girlfriend? Sure you should be flirting with me?

Saten: Don't worry, Trixie is okay with me flirting with other girls, just as long as I don't cheat on her, witch I don't.. Ever!

Starlight: Oh.. Well, alright then.

Derpy: (sees large statue of Spike) Is that Spike?

Spike: Oh, yep, it sure is!.. Now according to the ma-

Saten: Starlight: (purposely distracting him) Why is there a statue of you in the Crystal Empire?

Crystal Pony 1: Because Spike the Brave and Glorious saved all of us from King Sombra!

Crystal Pony 2: And then again during the Equestria Games!

Saten and Derpy: Shouldn't we keep mov-

Starlight: Really?

Crystal Pony 3: Really! [to Spike] Big fan.

Starlight: Um, when were you going to tell me about this?

Spike: Nah, it's no big deal.

Crystal Ponies: It most certainly _is_!

Starlight: That's it! We're not going anywhere until I get the whole story! (uses her magic to put Spike in a chair).

Saten: (in head) I think I'd rather die.

* * *

Shining Armor: Before we go in, I should probably tell you. Seeing the baby might be a bit of a shock.

Twilight: Come on, big brother. I've met babies before. I expect meeting this one won't be any different.

Flurry Heart: (reveals to be an baby ailcorn, witch shocks the main six).

Twilight Sparkle: Of course, I could be wrong.


	47. Chapter 47

Twilight: _(shocked)_ The baby is an alicorn!?

Ditto: _(there with Luna, cause there actually a couple now)_ Seems that way.

Rarity: But... But... But I thought Alicorn wings had to be earned by accomplishing some great, princess-worthy deed!?

Applejack: Yeah. How can you just be born with 'em?

Celestia: The birth of an Alicorn is something Equestria has never seen!

Luna: Yes, it is beyond even _our_ understanding.

Fluttershy: [hushed] That's not very reassuring.

Pinkie Pie: _(typical Pinkie Pie excitement)_ Wow! A unicorn, _and_ a Pegasus! So she could be a super-strong flyer _and_ have crazy baby magic!

Rainbow Dash: Well, I know _all_ about super-strong flying!

Twilight: _(sudden joy)_ And I can help keep tabs on her magic!

Flurry Heart: [sneezes, witch causes her to blow a hole though the roof]

Celestia: (nervous) It appears her magic is more powerful than that of a newborn unicorn!

Ditto: (looks outside) Yes, but crowds have already started to gather.

Pinkie Pie: [inhales randomly appeared balloon] This Crystalling is gonna be some party! [balloon pops]

Cadance: Do you think we should call it off?

Rainbow Dash: Um, we've all faced a lot worse than baby magic.

Rarity: I can't imagine cancelling such a beautiful and important ceremony over something so potentially adorable!

Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash: [general agreement]

Celestia: ... In light of the little one's abilities, this Crystalling might be more important than ever. [to Cadance] Perhaps you should address your subjects and remind them of that.

Princess Cadance: Yes ma'am (kisses Flurry Heart before she leaves).

Shining Armor: [snoring]

Ditto: Shining Armor! Do you have everything you need for the ceremony?

Shining Armor: [tired] Huh?... Oh, no! I still have to interview the honor guards, choose the purity crystal, and pick a crystaller!

Twilight: Alright, take it easy. Pinkie can stay here with me and keep an eye on the

Applejack: And we'll all help you with everythin' Armor: [snores] ...baby...

Rarity: That is, if you can stay awake long enough to tell us _how?_

Ditto: Well, you better hurry.

Rarity: (giggles) Yes sir.

Ditto: (to Luna) Come on dear, we should check probably help Cadence.

Luna: Good idea.

* * *

meanwhile inside Sunburst's house, Starlight and Sunburst continue acting awkward around each other, being intentionally vague and exaggerating about what they've been doing since parting ways. Spike looks through Twilight's list in search of a solution.

Derpy: (in the other room, trying to light joint without anyone knowing).

Spike: Hey Derpy).

Saten: (hides the joint) NOTHING!

Spike: What?

Derpy: Nothing... I was doing nothing.

SPright: Riight.. You have any ideas about Star and Sun.

Derpy: I think shippers are gonna go CRAZY!

Spike: I'm serious.

Derpy: So am I.. Saten and Trixie are gonna be jealous that shippers don't KNOW about them.

Spike: Where IS Saten?

Derpy: I think he left to get a six pack.

Spike: But he just FINISHED a six pack.

Derpy: Yeah.. He has a problem.

* * *

CONVENIENT STORE:

Saten: (enraged) NO BEER!? WHAT KINDA PLACE IS THIS!?

Cashier: I'm sorry.. What about a latte instead?

Saten: (still angry) No, I don't want a latte! I want a cappuccino and a blueberry scone!

Cashier: I.. I only have chocolate chip.

Saten: (still angry) Well that sounds even BETTER!

Cashier: Alright (goes to make them)

Saten: (sighs and waits).

Voice: Still so angry, I see.

Saten: What th... (looks over).. Mom?

Maddy Twist: Hello son.. It's been a while.

* * *

Princess Cadance: [tired, amplified] Dearest citizens, I am sure you are all just as thrilled and ready for this Crystalling as myself and Shining Armor. [crowd cheering]

Shining Armor: [panicked breathing] I'm not ready!

Rainbow Dash: Take it easy! Just pick whoever looks the most like honor guard material.

Shining Armor: Right... right. (throws helmet over random guard)

Royal guards: [whimpering]

Shining Armor: I'm sorry.. Fatherhood is way more stressful than I ever thought.

Fluttershy: I can only imagine.

Rarity: Now, I know choosing the crystal of purity is a very important decision. So I have gone through the trouble of arranging them in order from incredibly pure to outrageously pure.

Fluttershy: Um, Rarity, don't they all sort of look the same?

Rarity: Oh, well, to the untrained eye, perhaps. What do you think, Shining Armor?

Shining Armor: [incoherent stammering] _I don't know!_

Rarity: [hushed] I hope Twilight and Pinkie are having better luck with the baby.

* * *

Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, hold her still!

Pinkie Pie: I'm tryiiiiiiing!


	48. Chapter 48

**Reuses Saten's speech from SEASON 2, for when Saten explains his own childhood..**

* * *

Saten: (confused) Mother!?.. I.. You.. How can?.. (shouts) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Maddy: Trixie Lulamoon was doing an performance at the town I was staying it.. She's certainly grown into an attractive young woman hasn't she?

Saten: Well... Yes, but what dose tha-

Maddy: I went to talk to her, asked if she remembered me.. Long story short she did.. But she wasn't too thrilled about it.

Saten: D -Did you hurt her!?

Maddy: What kind of question is that?

Saten: It's what your good at!

Maddy: Where did THAT come from?.. (thinks).. Oh.. Right.

Maddy: No.. I just wanted to talk to her.. Glad you two are finally together.. I always liked her.

Saten: ... You did?

Maddy: Yes.. But anyway.. Onto the point... Trixie told me you'd be here.

Saten: Why would she tell you that!?

Maddy: Because.. I told Trixie that I wanted to apologize to you.. And I do.

Saten: ... It's too late for that Maddy.

Maddy: I understand.. But as you remember, I was a victim as well.

Saten: (sighs).. I know.. Frankly I felt bad for you. My father was a bully and and drunk.. He would always cheat on you and beat you up., Make you feel like your not worthy of him.. And not _pretty_ enough for him. Even though your actually "very" pretty.. He beat ME up just as two. His idea of 'love' is calling me the broken condom child, what wasn't suppose to fuckin happen in the first place... When he died., I can't say I was too saddened by his lose., and you, properly even LESS so.. But instead of trying to show me the love dad NEVER did.. You instead chose to completely ignore me.. And began dating a series of men.. Who couldn't care less about me!.. But that was fine.. You saw me as just some "thing" she can bring out whenever it suited you!.. And when it didn't you'd sent me to boarding school., or Jewish camp, where I got beat up for not even being JEWISH!.. Frankly the ONLY one to care for me was Derpy.. She was the only person in our family who didn't beat me up for no particular reason!... And this is why I NEVER bring up my cold, loveless childhood!

Maddy: (hugs him tearfully) I'm sorry Saten, I was ALSO a drunk!.. You deserved better.. But I'm clean now.. I want another chance.

SAten: Well... It might take some time.

Maddy: I understand.. But if you still have my number, call me if you change your mind ever.. (flies off cause she's pegasus).

Rainbow Dash: (flies in soon after) hey Saten, I found you a whiskey.

Saten: I... I think I should quit that actually.

Rainbow Dash: But that's your thing.

Saten: Well.. I met my mother, and.. Well.. Don't want to end up like she did.

Dash: Oh.. Well.. Okay then.. Anyway.. Is it true there's another Dash in the place in that place you and Derpy went to?

Saten: Sure.. But.. Everyone down there is NUTS.. She'll probably be the same.

Dash: Oh.. Too bad.. I was gonna show her the wonder bolts.

Saten: What are the wonder bolts.

Dash: ... Wow.. Your upset wait now, so I'm gonna let that slide.


	49. Chapter 49

After Shining Armor finishes the Crystalling preparations and Cadance finishes addressing the public, Twilight and Pinkie Pie arrive with the baby to begin the ceremony. However, once the baby is separated from Pinkie, she starts to cry. Her booming wail causes the Crystal Heart to shatter into pieces.

Applejack: I'm guessin' that's gonna make it harder to do the Crystalling.

Twilight: It's worse than that. Without the Heart, the Crystal Empire's about to be buried under a mountain of ice and snow!

Saten: (checking on them) Are you friggin kidding me!?

Rarity: So... not only can we _not_ take part in a fabulous ancient ceremony, but we're also about to be frozen solid!

Ditto: Yes.. Apparently without the Crystal Heart's magical protection, the entire city's about to become a winter wasteland!

Applejack: But what about when King Sombra ruled the Crystal Empire and the Crystal Heart was missin'? The city wasn't covered in snow then!

Twilight: The Heart wasn't missing. It was still in the castle. King Sombra had just hidden it.

Celestia: I'm afraid Ditto and Twilight correct, the storm clouds are already forming. [lightning cracks].

Rainbow Dash: I can totally fly up there and bust those puppies! No problem!

Celestia: I wouldn't advise it, Rainbow Dash.. Those storm clouds are not like the ones you know.

Luna: This far north, the weather has a will of its own, and now it will only grow stronger, enveloping everything in its path.

Cadance: Including the Crystal Empire!

Twilight: And us along with it!

Ditto: (sarcastically) Typical.

* * *

Spike There's gotta be somethin'...

Sunburst: I know Princess Twilight is keen on the two of us rekindling our friendship, but... it's been so long. I don't see how anything on that list is going to help.

Starlight Glimmer: I know, right? It's not like there's some spell that would magically compel us to pick up where we left off.

Sunburst: Well, actually, there's several. Mist Mane's Material Amity, Rockhoof's Rapport, Flash Prance's Fellow... ship... [ahem] But I-I get the feeling the princess isn't looking for a spell.

Starlight Glimmer: [chuckle] Definitely not.

Spike: Got it! [reading] "And if all else fails, ask them to share an embarrassing moment from their past, maybe even something they regret!"

Derpy: Uh, I don't see how that would help.

Starlight Glimmer: Uh, yeah! We should just get out of your mane. It's pretty obvious this isn't going how Twilight hoped, and I'm sure you have plenty of important work to do...

Sunburst: What? Oh! Right, yes, heh-heh! Uh, no rest for the wizardly.

Derpy: No need.. Saten is there.. Told me he wanted to check on our friends.


	50. Chapter 50

LATER THAT EVENING:

Ditto: So.. How's Scootaloo?

Dash: Oh, she's fine.. She got her cutie mark.

Ditto: I know. She mentioned it in her weekly letters, wish i could of been there.

Dash: Yeah, her parents said the same.. They might be visiting soon.

* * *

Twilight: That spell was the only thing we found in the whole library that was even _close_ to what we needed!

Cadance: Do you think you can remember the spell?

Twilight Sparkle: I only read it through once!

Rarity: Well, if anybody can exactly remember something she read for the first time two minutes ago, it's you, Twilight.

Twilight: I'll try. But I'm not sure how long it'll take.

Saten: (looks outside) Is _quickly_ an option?

Cadance: I'll help if I can, but we should evacuate the city just in case!.. Chief Ditto, you need to lead everybody to the train station before the tracks freeze over!

Ditto: I will. But between you and Twilight, I'm sure you'll remember the spell.

Twilight: I only hope this spell is the one we need.

Saten: Wait a minute.. Starlight's friend Sunburst.. He's a big important wizard or something.. We should bring him here. Maybe he'll know what to do if the spell fails.

Ditto: Well hurry!

Saten: Yes sir! (flies off).

* * *

Ditto: (to crowd) Listen.. You all need to leave!

Mustache Crystal Pony: Did I mention this was a _Royal_ Crystalling? When the crystaller holds the young one aloft, all of the Empire will share their joy and light, and the Crystal Heart will beat stronger than it ever has before!

Ditto: Yeah, yeah, I know how it goes. But you can't st-

Stubborn Pony: It really is a moving ceremony!

Ditto: I DON'T CAR-

Stubborn Pony 2: Maybe you _changelings_ don't understand the the importance of this.

Ditto: Change... Look, EVERYONE makes mistakes!.. Can we just FORGET about that!

Stubborn Pony 2: Whatever.. Changeling.

Ditto: (growls angrily) One more word out of you, and I'll break your spine in hal-

Shining: (holds Ditto back) Listen to me.. Cadence is evacuating the area! You don't have a choice.

The pony's STILL don't leave.

Ditto: Let's just leave em here, let them freeze to death.. Rude fucks diserve it!

Shining: You KNOW we can't do that, commander.

Ditto: ... Maybe YOU can't.


	51. Chapter 51

Saten: (bursts in) Starlight! We need your friend sunburst.

Sunburst: Why?

Saten: You haven't looked outside, have you?

Sunburst: (looks out the window) Snow? That's... not right. The Crystal Heart-

Saren: It's gone!.. The baby.. It's an Alicorn.

Sunburst: Really?

Starlight: Really! And her magic is a little berserk, and well, sounds like she broke the heart.

Saten: Yes.. But Twilight thinks she can fix it and I thought YOU could help!

Sunburst: Me?

Saten: Starlight says you're an important wizard in the Crystal Empire! It just makes sense!

Sunburst: Right... right... right right right. You know, I'd like to help, I-I really would. I-I just have so much, um, important wizard work to do around here.

Starlight Glimmer: Sunburst, I know you're busy, but did you hear what he said?

Sunburst: Oh, I heard him alright, but like _I_ said, when you're an important wizard, the work just piles up.

Starlight Glimmer: But Sunburst!

Sunburst: [sighs] Look, Starlight, I want to help. I do. But I can't. I wish I could, bu-

Starlight Glimmer: What do you mean?!

Sunburst: Fixing an ancient relic? I-I can't even come close to doing something like that!

Saten: But I thought you were an important wizard!

Sunburst: Well, you were wrong, okay?! I'm not an important wizard! I'm not even a wizard at all!

Saten: Oh... Well your just big fuckin liar aren't yo-

Starlight: (light blocks his mouth and shushes him).

Sunburst: I know it's hard for you guys to understand, but not ALL of us end up achieving greatness.

Starlight Glimmer: What!? Why wouldn't I understand that?

Sunburst: You're the protégé of the Princess of Friendship! I don't think she picks just anybody for that!

Spike: Technically, she's more of a student than a protégé.

Derpy: (punches Spike's elbow) That's not helping!

Sunburst: Whatever. I'm sorry I'm not the big important wizard you were expecting.

Starlight Glimmer: Sunburst, I don't care if you're a wizard or not. I'm just surprised. You always knew so much about magic. I mean, look at all these books!

Sunburst: Yeah, well, reading about magic is one thing, but you don't know what it was like at magic school! To know so much and not be able to do any of it!

Starlight Glimmer: ... Well, _you_ don't know what it was like to be left behind! And then getting so bitter that you steal the cutie marks from an entire village and then get defeated by Twilight and her friends, so you travel through time to get back at them, but they beat you again and teach you about friendship, but you're so terrified ponies will find out what you did that you can't make any FRIENDS!

(awkward pause).

Sunburst: Did you really travel through time?

Spike: See? I told you he'd be impressed.

Sunburst: I'm sorry we lost touch. Maybe if I had reached out, you could have helped me at magic school, and I could have helped you to...

Starlight Glimmer: Not become totally evil?.. [sighs] Let's just say I know what it's like to have something you're not exactly proud of.

Sunburst: When you showed up thinking I was some big wizard... I'm sorry. I should have told you the truth.

Starlight Glimmer: It's fine. At least we worked it all out. I think Twilight would be proud of us.

Spike: Well, if you ever want to tell her about it, we should probably leave now!

Saten: [gasps] I forgot to tell you! They're evacuating the city! You need to get to the train station, unless you've got a spell here that will drive back the Frozen North and fix the Crystal Heart so the baby can have her Crystalling?

Sunburst: Crystalling...! Of course!


	52. Chapter 52

**I thought I would have more ideas from here.. But... I don't.**

 **So this concludes the third season. I have more annoying Grand Theft Auto crap that nobody cares about, to write.**

 **A lot of my friends want a crossover between GTA and Farcry 3, ever sense I spoofed Far-cry 3 in _Trevor Phillips Series episode 3_.. In the scene. Trevor Phillips envisioned himself as the main protagonist, Jason Brody, saying how he would of _done things a bit differently._**

 **This includes, killing an off guard Vaas Montenegro seconds after Grant's death _(despite the irony that Vaas and Trevor are more or less the same type of person)_. Vaas's murder then appears to make Trevor the NEW pirate's leader. And Trevor then blackmails Hoyt Volker into returning Reily and the others... The game was WAY shorter..**


	53. Chapter 53

**Season 3 actually ISN'T over yet.. One last episode..**

* * *

Glaze: Here's your stuff (hands over a bag of weed).

Saten: Thanks Mrs WoodenToaster, wanna smoke it with me?

Glaze: No thanks, I don't smoke that stuff anymore.. This isn't high school.

Saten: Maybe not to YOU.

Glaze: Whatever.. Usual price.. $280.

Saten: Sure, here (hands her the money).

Glaze: Thank yo-.. This is 2 dollars!

Saten: I'm a little low on cash, okay.

Glaze: Low on cash!?.. What, did you spend it all beer again?

Saten: No.. I realized.. If there's the risk of becoming my father.. It's probably time to stop drinking.

Glaze: Ahh... Some could say that day came and went after you gave yourself that drunken haircut.. But still, long time coming.. But anyway.. I'm sorry, but you how it goes.. No weed, till I get my money.

Saten: Oh come on.. Can't it just be free.. For old times sake.

Glaze: Old times?.. You haven't seen me for 9 years, and now I lost my singing job cause off you appearing out of the blue.. I'm a little on edge Saten.

Saten: It's okay.. I'll just rob it out of somebody.. I'm a real professional at it.

Random pony walks by.

Saten: (menicingly raises fist at the pony) GIVE ME YOUR MO-

Pony: AHHH (punches Saten, breaking his nose, before running off).

Saten; (screams in agony).

Glaze: (Sarcastically) Yes. your a REAL export.

Saten: Oh shut up.. Just cause you got hotter over the years, doesn't mean you can boss me around.

Glaze: You owe me money.. I kinda can.

Saten: Whatever.. It can't be THAT hard to get money around here.

Glaze: Well.. I'll be waiting.. I guess.


	54. Chapter 54

LATER THAT EVENING:

* * *

Apple Bloom: Wow... Did we really only ever do things _just_ to get our cutie marks?

Sweetie Belle: I don't know. Maybe?

Scootaloo: Aw, come on! We did lots of stuff that didn't have anything to do with getting a cutie mark.

Sweetie Belle: Of course we did!

Apple Bloom: Absolutely!

(awkward silence).

Sweetie Belle: Huh. So now that we don't have to do stuff to get our cutie marks, what is it that the Cutie Mark Crusaders actually do?

Apple Bloom: We do exactly what we got our cutie marks in! Cutie Mark Crusaders: Helping other ponies!

Scootaloo: Ponies without cutie marks!

Sweetie Belle: Or ponies who've forgotten their special purpose!

Apple Bloom: Exactly... I think I know someone.

* * *

Saten: No.. Screw Cutie Marks!

AppleBloom: Oh come on, surely you'd like to know what your REAL talent could be?

Saten: No.. I hope I NEVER get my cutie mark!.. I'm glad Starlight stole it.. It ruined my entire life.

Sweetie Belle: It was just the wrong mark.. Don't give up faith.

Saten: I can't lose faith, if I never HAD it to begin with.. Think of it that way kiddo.. Now, do anyone of you have $278 dollars?

Crusaders: No.

Saten: (annoyed) Damn it! Why is this so hard!.. (flies off).

* * *

Sweetie Belle: But are you sure you feel content?

Big McIntosh: Eeyup.

Scootaloo: Not even a _tinge_ of dissatisfaction?

Big McIntosh: Nnnope.

Apple Bloom: Not even the _slightest_ naggin' sensation that you don't really know what your purpose is in life or why you have a big apple as a cutie mark?

Big McIntosh: (annoyed] Nnnope.

* * *

LATER THAT SAME EVENING:

Apple Bloom: This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought.

Sweetie Belle: Who knew there were so few ponies worried about their cutie marks?

Scootaloo: Kinda makes you wonder why _we_ made such a big deal out of it for so long. (they both glare at her) ... What?

Apple Bloom: The point is, helpin' ponies with cutie mark problems is what makes us special.

Sweetie Belle: But if we can't find anypony with a problem... Even Saten, who dosen't even have one.

Scootaloo: ...Maybe _we're_ not special.

Bulk Biceps: _Yeah!_ I know exactly what you mean. You can't find a cutie mark problem. _I_ have a cutie mark problem. It's so confusing, and I feel like the solution is staring me right in the muzzle.

Sweetie Belle: So... what's your cutie mark problem?

Bulk Biceps: My cutie mark is a dumbbell, but I've lifted every dumbbell in Ponyville!

Scootaloo: [nervously] Have you tried lifting other things?

Bulk Biceps: You mean, not dumbbells?

Sweetie Belle: Yeah!

Bulk Biceps: I hadn't thought of that. _You guys are awesome!_ [crunch]

Bulk Biceps: But... what happens when I run out of other stuff?

Sweetie Belle: ...I guess you could teach other ponies to lift things?

Apple Bloom: Yeah!

Bulk Biceps: _Yeah!_ Wow, you three really have a knack for this! (leaves)

Sweetie Belle: ... That _was_ easy!

Apple Bloom: Maybe _too_ easy.


	55. Chapter 55

INSIDE A CONVENIENT STORE:

Crusaders: Are you sure your contend with your cutie mark?

Derpy: For the last time, yes.. Now if you don't mind, I promised Saten I'll get him the money he owes Glaze.. _(puts on Halloween mask, and fires a small revolver into the air, hinting that this may not of been her first time ever doing this, cause she's very professional acting)_. NOBODY MOVE!.. _(to cashier)_ OPEN THE CASH REGISTER!

Scootaloo: What the hell is wrong with Saten's family!?

AppleBloom: I wish I knew.

 _Derpy: COME ON! COME ON! I DON'T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY!_

The crusaders sneak out, Derpy flying out soon after, with the bag of money.

Derpy: _(cutely)_ Bye girls.

Scootalooo: Well.. Guess it's back to the tree house.


	56. Chapter 56

Derpy: Hey cousin.. I got the money.

Saten: Really, ho-.. You robbed another store didn't you?

Derpy: ... Maybe.

Saten: Derpy.. This isn't Fillydefia, you can't go around robbin-

Derpy: Maybe YOU can't.. But unlike you, I've been robbing sense I was a little girl, remember?

Saten: Yes.. Some seem to think that I'm a bad influence on you.

Derpy: (laughs) Oh please.. When I found you. You were pathetic.. I made you tougher.

Saten: Yes.. But you ALSO made me into a drunken pot head.

Derpy: Well, who ISN'T in our family (drinks Volga).

Suddenly Master Sword appears, covered in red, and holding a small knife.

Sword: Good news Saten.. I dealt with that that guy that made fun of you earlier.

Saten: Uhh.. G -Good to know.

Derpy: You know Sword.. There's a Carly girl might have things in common with.. Your both.. Something.

Sword: (cleaning blood off the knife) What makes you say that?


	57. Chapter 57

_FLASHBACK:_

* * *

 _Filly Glaze (her and Trixie being his` ONLY friends of the time): I'm sorry about your mom putting you into adoption and all._

 _Filly Saten: Ahh, can't say I'm too serprised.. But at least I met my first cousin Derpy for the first time._

 _Filly Glaze: Oh yes, Derpy.. I owe her money actually.. (goes to bank, but it's closed) NO! NO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?_

 _Filly Saten: It's okay, we can just check back tomorrow._

 _Filly Glaze: ... (sighs) Guess your right._

 _Filly Saten starts heading back, but from behind him Glaze pick up a trash can and breaks the bank window, triggering the alarm, shocking Saten._

 _Filly Glaze: (calmly walks in)_

 _Filly Saten: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WE GOTTA GET OUT HERE!?_

 _Filly Glaze: Relax.. Derpy and I do this all the time.. Average response time is nine minutes.. (approaches security camera, waving to it without even wearing a mask, before covering it with whip cream to block the screen)._

 _Filly Saten: YOUR INSANE!_

 _Filly Glaze: Yes I am, now help me with thee safe._

* * *

PRESENT TIME:

Saten: Here's your money.

Glaze: (takes the bag) Thank you old friend.. Do you know any available jobs?.. You owe me, Twist

Saten: Oh come on, I said I was sorry.

Glaze: Sometimes, sorry isn't enough.

Saten: Fair enough.. But funny how it goes.. As fillies you were the one always getting ME in trouble.

Glaze: True.. But after being arrested that one time, last year.. Guess I matured.

Saten: Hey, I got arrested all the time, it's no big deal.. But whatever.. (flirtingly) Your still _hotter_ now.

Glaze: (blushes) Your sweet.. But I still don't fully forgive you for losing me my job.

Saten: Didn't think so.. You never change do you.

Glaze: (giggles) Guess not.


	58. Chapter 58

Apple Bloom: ... Who'd've thought it'd be so hard to find somethin' for us all to do together?

Scootaloo: Well, I know this might sound crazy, but what if we didn't?

Apple Bloom: Didn't what?

Scootaloo: Do things together. Well, do _everything_ together.

Apple Bloom: But we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!

Scootaloo: And we always will be! But I _really_ wanna bungee jump! The speed, the height, the fall!

Sweetie Belle: And I know you two aren't interested, but I wanna try : Isn't there something _you've_ always wanted to do on your own?

Apple Bloom: I don't know... I guess I figured we'd always do stuff together. But bungee jumping sounds just as scary as crochet sounds borin'.

Scootaloo: That's okay. Sweetie Belle and I can do the things we like, and you can do whatever you like!

Sweetie Belle: Just as soon as you figure out what it is.

Apple Bloom: I guess...

Scootaloo: Great! Then we can meet back here and talk all about what we've done!

Apple Bloom: But I don't know what it'll be.

Sweetie Belle: You'll find something!

Scootaloo: Something awesome!

Apple Bloom: [sighs] Well... I guess now I have to.

* * *

Derpy: Thanks for another date.

Master Sword: Yes.. And I'm here to make it night your never forget.. (shoots dead pony for no apparent reason).

Derpy: ... Oh my.

Master Sword: (proudly) Yeah.. (puts the gun away, and moves on, as if nothing happened).

* * *

 **Well that's all I got.. So... THE END**


End file.
